Revenge
by wellthen44
Summary: Catching Fire/Mockingjay in Johanna's POV.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! So, I this idea for a while, and I decided to type it and post it. If I get positive feedback, I'll continue this story. And I won't make it completely like the book. I like to add my own little twists in my stories. I hope you like this, and please review!**

**(FYI: I listen to a certain song while writing each chapter, so I'll tell you what each song is.)**

**Song for this chapter: Like A Knife by Secondhand Serenade**

**Sadly, I don't own the Hunger Games. But I do own Peeta. He's all mine.**

* * *

**Prologue:**

"Please?"

"No."

Hollis pouts like the 'adorable' six-year old she is. I used to think it was adorable, but nowadays, it is just a bunch of lame crap that I don't wanna deal with. I have enough to deal with on my own.

Like being a mentor. I've only done it for one year, but it was absolutely horrible. One of the tributes was a year younger than me, sixteen, and the other one was only twelve. Twelve. I was sixteen and I barely made it out of the arena alive. She had no chance. Blight took care of mostly the whole mentoring thing, but I wanted to help in some way, any way, but I didn't know how. When I was in her place, I just pretended to be weak and when people were about to kill me I got them first. The tributes wouldn't fall for the same thing again.

The twelve-year old was named Juliette. I can still picture her in my mind, her brown hair and hazel eyes, trying so hard to look brave. I wasn't attached to her or anything, and it was no surprise when she died at the Cornucopia. But when the camera zoomed in on her hazel, unseeing eyes, I couldn't help but feel so guilty I thought I was going to suffocate on it. But I sucked it up, spit it out, and moved on. It was just another reason to hate the Capitol out of billions of more crucial reasons.

The sixteen-year old was named Garrett. He surprised me, to say the least. He made it up to the final eight. I found a sliver of hope in me that maybe, just maybe, he was going to make it. Then one day, like a stupid person, he walked to the stream he was camped by. WITHOUT A WEAPON. I mean, come on! COMMON SENSE PEOPLE! The chick from Two found him, and when his back was turned, she pushed him into the stream and speared him. It's not my fault. He did the exact opposite of what I told him to do. He was asking for it. Then she stole his stuff and ran away. No surprise that she was the victor.

But I'm going to have to do this for the rest of my life, at least until I can bring a girl home as victor. But if all of them are going to be as stupid as Garrett, why bother?

And then there's the Capitol. God, I HATE them. And I have my whole life. My Hunger Games just intensified it. I had to live with unsatisfying meals, cut hundreds of branches for them to use, and my parents coming home too tired to bother with Hollis and I. Then, I get reaped. Now who's going to take care of Hollis? I had a friend, named Olive. She has freckles and short, curly, white-blond hair. I knew I could rely on her, but she has her own younger sister to look after, Mandy, who was born blind. But after I came home, things between us were just... how do I put this... so fucking awkward.

It was after my Victory Tour, which was absolute torture. You try looking in the eyes of the friends and families of the innocent children you killed without regret. It is just about as dandy as it sounds, except probably a billion times worse. So I was sitting in my new home, in my new room, screaming into my new pillow when someone knocked on my door.

"GO AWAY!" I screamed.

"It's Olive," she said quietly.

I pulled the pillow off my face and huffed. "Fine..."

She threw open the door and before I knew what was happening she was crushing me in a hug. It took all my willpower to prevent my instincts from kicking in and throw her out the window.

"Can you get off?" I said, sounding way more irritated than I wanted to be.

She jerked back and looked at me, getting a good image of who the Capitol made me. I got a good look at her too. She looked like she had gained some weight, but in a good way, like she had a satisfying meal for once in her life. And she gained some muscle tone, too, probably from working more with cutting trees. Besides that, she looked like... Olive. My best friend Olive. As happy as I was to see her, I couldn't seem to act happy. Too much had happened to me for me to ever be truly happy again.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," I said.

She sat on the edge of my bed, just like old times. We stayed like that for what felt like forever. I wondered what she must've been thinking. Probably about what she saw me do on national television. Me killing over half the tributes.

The silence got so long that I was about to scream when she talked. "So... How're you doing?"

I scoffed. _C'mon Olive, you're smarter than that._ "Grand. Just... grand." Cough cough note the sarcasm.

Olive frowned slightly and blushed a bright pink. "S-Sorry, stupid question." We were quiet again. "So... How's your new house?"

"I don't know. I can't say that I like it better than my old house... This reminds me too much of-" I was going to say 'the arena', but I felt some sort of lump in my throat, but it wasn't tears. It was bile. I swallowed it quickly. "At least in my old house, it was..."

"Home," Olive finished softly. I nodded. "I understand. I mean, this place is so big." She stood up and waved her arms around. "Look at this! You're so lucky-"

I felt my blood freeze and boil at the same time. Olive realized what she said and paled a little. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that-"

"I know," I said surprisingly calm. "It's fine."

Olive nodded quickly and shoved her hands in her pockets. "But... I mean... you are sorta lucky in a way..."

_Lucky? LUCKY?! _"Oh, of course. Why don't you try going into an arena with twenty-three people who want to kill you, with a like two percent chance of making it out alive?"

"Johanna, that's not what I meant-"

"Then how did you mean it?!" I snapped, standing up. Olive seemed alarmed and backed up into the wall.

"I-I mean, you made it out!" She clenched her eyes shut, afraid to see how I would react.

"Because I killed them all!" I cried. My hand grabbed the first object it could find, which was a mirror on my desk. I picked it up and smashed it on the floor, the glass splintering into a hundred minuscule shards.

_Calm down, Jo _I think to myself. I sit down on my bed and take in a shaky breath. I know that I shouldn't have been so sensitive. She didn't do anything wrong, she just said that I was lucky. And I was. In a way. But in another way, no. I wasn't. Not at all.

The room was deathly silent for a minute, me refusing to stare into my friend's eyes. If she was even my friend anymore. I finally mustered the courage to speak. "I'm a killer, Olive. That's how lucky I am. For me to resort to killing people so I can live myself. Like the selfish bitch I am. You're talking to a killer."

"Jo," she said. I didn't meet her gaze. She couldn't find any words that would fit the moment properly. Not like there were any. After an eternity, she must've decided that it was hopeless, or she gave up, or she didn't care, or she was just plain angry, but I heard her boots thump against the light blue carpet to the door. The door creaked open, but she didn't walk out. "Goodbye Johanna." She paused. "And I'm-I'm sorry." The door slammed shut and I heard her run down the stairs. I stood up and watched her through my window. She emerged from the front door and started walking down the walkway, and she glanced up at my window and met my gaze. I noticed she had tear streaks on her cheeks. She quickly tore away from my gaze and ran down the street.

I never saw her since.

Without a friend by my side, all I had was Hollis and my parents. My parents didn't have to work and Hollis was absolutely ecstatic to live such a big home with such beautiful things. As for me, well, you can only imagine how furious I was. My parents seemed to deal with it, but after I mentored for my first year, they stopped tolerating it so calmly. We would get into screeching fights (nonviolent, of course) and I took all my anger out on them. Then I'd drag Hollis into my room and stroke her hair, telling her that she was the only one I loved. She'd say she loved me too, unaware of all the horrors I'd been through.

The Capitol tore my family apart, so I refused to do anything to do anything to help them. I would not be their puppet. Snow wanted me to sleep with some random Capitol whores, and of course, I said no. He asked me several times, sickeningly calmly, and each time I said no.

"I'll give you one more chance. And this time, choose the right answer." He slid the paper across the oak table. "Will you accept?"

I slammed the pen on the table, causing it to snap and bleed black all over the paper. "NO, GOD DAMMIT!"

His smile immediately turned into a monstrous glare. Jesus, if looks could kill...

"Big mistake, Miss Mason. Big mistake."

He never visited me since. And this time, when I drove him away, I was glad to drive the person away. But his words still plagued my thoughts. Big mistake... Did I go too far? No, I am not a slut. I did the right thing.

* * *

Hollis pulls on my sleeve. "Pleeeeease Joey?"

I sigh. Might as well, I could use some sun. "Fine. But only for a little while."

Her face immediately lights up. "Yay!" She tugs at my sleeve again and I can't help but smirk a little. She is so enthusiastic while I'm practically brain dead.

Hollis and I venture outside. The air is chilly, but I don't mind. It's clear and refreshing. Hollis skips down the sidewalk, humming some song that I don't recognize. Something about a mouse who is running up a clock. Meanwhile, I just look around at all the trees. It's all I've seen my whole life, besides from the arena and tour. But this is familiar. The thick, dark green forests that I have walked through and worked in my whole childhood. I can't imagine living anywhere else. I don't know how those in District Twelve even manage to breathe.

We spend a few hours walking and chatting a little about the first-grade gossip going around. More like Hollis rambling about while I block her out, nodding and going 'uh huh' in the appropriate places. I stare up at the sky and notice the sun starting to turn orange and dip behind the treetops.

"Let's go, Hollis," I say.

"Awww," she whines.

"C'mon," I chide. Her shoulders slump, but she agrees. We walk to our house and I open the door.

As soon as I do, our parents attack us with hugs. My mother kisses my forehead.

"Ugh! Get off!" I say irritably. My mother lets me go.

"Where were you?!" she asks.

"Just taking a walk!" I say.

"This late?!" she cries.

"It's barely sundown!"

"I don't care! You need to tell me where you're going!"

"Mom, I'm seventeen."

She throws her hands in the air. "You don't understand!" She takes a deep berth and lowers her arms. "I just want you to stay safe."

"God! You make it sound like I can't take care of myself!"

"Johanna, that's enough," my father says.

"No!" I cry. "I don't have any freedoms! Not from you, not from the Capitol-"

"What about the Capitol?" he says. Oh. Right. I didn't tell them. But, I mean, what would I have said? 'Hey, Mom and Dad, the Capitol wants me to have sex with strangers. So, what's for dinner?'

"Well, the president wanted to force me to have sex with people from the Capitol I don't know," I say.

"WHAT?" they both cry.

"Yeah," I say.

"Why didn't you tell us?" my mom demands.

"Because... Just because!" I scream. Smooth Jo, smooth.

I feel a small pull on my sleeve and look down to see Hollis. She blinks at me. "Joey?"

I push her away, ignoring her. I pull on my hood and am about to walk out. "And don't you dare follow me, bitch!" I walk out the door before either of them can say another word.

This is the last time I see them.

* * *

I walk along the streets of Seven, kicking a stray pebble forward as I walk. It is getting colder and the sun was getting lower. But the walk is just what I needed to let off steam. I decide that I am going to go back and apologize, because they are my parents, after all. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I over reacted. A lot. And I have a lot that I need to apologize for, on top of this.

I'm about to turn around when someone pulls on my arm. I slap them so hard I'm sure I left a bruise.

"Ow!" the person cries. I'd recognize that voice anywhere.

"Olive?"

"Yes! You need to go home!" There is so much urgency in her voice I imagine the worst.

I don't have time to ask because she is already dragging me down the road. I notice a whole lot of people are going in the same direction as us. This makes me even more nervous and I sprint faster, now the one dragging Olive along.

We finally get to my house, and I freeze.

Fire. The house is on fire.

There is a fire line of people who put one bucket of water after the other on the fire, doing almost no damage to the fire. Smoke fills every inch of my lungs, suffocating me with its toxic fumes. The fire burns so brightly, I'm surprised I didn't go blind yet.

"Where are my parents? Hollis?" I ask urgently. Olive's about to answer when I hear it.

A scream.

Hollis' scream.

From inside the house.

"WE HAVE TO GET THEM OUT!" I cry. "They're going to burn up and DIE!"

But Olive just shakes her head.

And I know it's too late.

* * *

There is a funeral for my family, but it does nothing to ease the pain.

I guess I would cry, but I'm too upset to find the right amount of tears.

Because I know it's all my fault.

I knew I should've said yes to Snow and just fuck his Capitol whores. He warned me, and I disobeyed. And it was my family that had to pay the price.

God, why am I so STUPID?!

Well, this just drew the line.

I will get revenge for my family.

Even if I die trying.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello to those who have bothered to read this!**

**I hope you like this chapter, the first one was more of a setup. This will be getting into the Quell and all the rebel planning behind it that Katniss and Peeta were kept from. Enjoy!**

**Song: 21 Guns by Green Day**

**I don't own THG, but I do own Finnick. No touchy!**

* * *

**Three Years Later...**

I wake up to the phone ringing.

I moan and look at the clock. It's four in the morning. What the hell?

I take the phone out of the receiver and put it up to my ear. "Who the hell is this?" I growl.

"Johanna?" says someone whose voice I recognize.

"Haymitch, I swear to god, if you want me to give you money so you can buy liquor-"

"No, no, this is serious."

I sit up and wipe the sleep from my eyes. "How serious?"

"Rebellion serious."

Well, that wakes me up. "What about it?"

"Peeta and Katniss."

Oh yeah. Those two. Ever since they did that whole 'act of love' and threatened to commit suicide together, District Seven has been buzzing that it was a rebellious act. District Eight already had an uprising. What do I think? I think that, regardless whatever shit is going on, the Capitol should burn and die a slow and painful death. I think that that Peeta kid is just a lovesick puppy while that Katniss chick just wanted to save herself. She reminds me of myself when I was her age. But she better watch herself, or her family's gonna get it. Like mine did.

No, scratch that. She's already paying for her actions with the Quell.

They made the announcement last night. I got angry and almost threw a tantrum. I mean, this is what Snow said: "On the seventy-fifth anniversary, as a reminder to the rebels that even the strongest among them cannot overcome the power of the Capitol, the male and female tributes will be reaped from their existing pool of victors." Like, what the fuck Snow? The Capitol is weak, WEAK I TELL YOU! I mean, they have to go ahead and make children murder children to keep people in line. It's a pretty low move, if you ask me.

I don't feel pity towards myself or to anyone, I'm just angry. So angry I wouldn't be surprised if the blood running through my veins was liquid fire. I know that I'm probably going to be in the Quell, because of my refusal to sleep with a stranger (?!). And Finnick will probably be there too... Let's just hope they don't reap Annie. God, I hope not. That poor girl needs a break. They both do. We all do. But the Capitol won't give us one.

"And..." I say, wanting him to be more specific. Also so I don't think about the painful stuff.

"And, we all know that with the Quell coming up, Katniss is going back into the arena and most likely Peeta will too."

"So?" I say, getting annoyed. "Cut the crap Haymitch, just get to the point!"

"Fine!" he yells. "You are one of the only people we can trust. We need you to do whatever it takes to keep Peeta and Katniss alive, even if it means getting killed. Hopefully it won't have to come to that. But you never know."

"Why should I keep them alive?" I ask, getting bored. "I couldn't care less if I died or not, but I just want to know what I am dying for."

He sighs. "All right. Listen carefully. Plutarch Heavensbee is going to be Head Gamemaker. He is on the rebel side. He is going to make sure that there is a large coil of wire at the Cornucopia, which Beetee will use to blow up the arena in someway you'll have to figure out yourselves. We can't tell you too much." He chuckles at his own sick joke. "Then, once the forcefield is gone, the other mentors and I will come in District Thirteen hovercrafts and pick up all who is still alive. If all goes as planned, this will include Katniss and Peeta. Do you understand?"

I don't really know what to say. It's quite the information to soak in. Once I do, I smirk. "I like it. Count me in."

"Thanks sweetheart." I hear the smile in his voice.

"Wait," I say. "Who else has agreed to this?"

"So far, only those from Three, Four, Six, and you. We aren't telling One and Two for obvious reasons, and we'll tell everyone else besides Katniss and Peeta." He pauses for a moment, seeming hesitant. "It's better that they don't know anything, incase..."

"Incase your own scheme explodes in your face," I say.

"God forbid," Haymitch mutters. "If Peeta isn't saved and Katniss is, she will kill me. If Katniss isn't saved and Peeta is, he will kill me. If neither of them are saved, then-"

"Everyone will kill you," I say. I choke on a laugh at the vision of Haymitch getting run over by an angry mob.

"You got it," Haymitch says. "I gotta go."

"Okay."

"And... Johanna?"

"What?"

"Uh..." I hear him scratch his face. "Thanks."

I brush it off. "Whatever. I'll do anything to burn down the Capitol."

"No, really." It's amusing to hear Haymitch have such a difficult time trying to be sincere. "Those two... They mean a lot to me... and I promised both of them that I'd keep the other alive. If one of them doesn't make it-"

"They will," I say with a large amount of confidence. "They will both make it out alive. I can assure you, I'll do all I can."

* * *

The sun blinds me when I first go outside. I look up and see that it must be noon; the sun is directly overhead. I hope Blight, Alto and Thalia are awake. They all tend to sleep in. Actually, we all tend to sleep in. I'd probably be asleep right now if Haymitch didn't call me and plague my thoughts with the rebel plans.

I walk up Thalia's front doorstep and knock. It takes a minute, but eventually Thalia opens the door. She's wearing a bathrobe and has her hair tied up so you have a good view of her brown eyes. She looks at me in shock.

"What're you doing here?" she asks, bewildered. Yeah, I really don't leave my house. Like, ever.

"Haymitch," is all I have to say. She checks to see if anyone is down the streets before pulling my arm and dragging me into her home.

When the Capitol burned down my old home, I lived with Thalia because I wasn't very stable. I mean, if I had just held my tongue or kept calm with my parents, then I wouldn't have run out and they would still be here. She is an older woman, a little younger than Haymitch, and she won the 54th Hunger Games. She just stayed in one place and killed anything that got within a five-yard radius of her. It was a risky strategy, but effective.

She took me in and I watched while the Capitol workers cleared the ashes of my old home and rebuilt it to look just like it was before with every single thing replaced. Except my family. And without them there, well, it didn't matter to me if my house was a house or a pile of ashes. But, Thalia was there for me and has this mother-like touch. And she fixed me up enough for me to move into my new home. She is truly a good friend. But I only visit her when it is absolutely necessary, not just because I got a bee sting. I used to be like that. Now, if a bee is courageous enough to get within ten feet of my personal space, I kill it and burn it to ashes.

Thalia gestures toward one of the wooden kitchen chairs and I sit down. She walks over to the stove and pours me some steaming tea into a tiny yellow cup that has green flowers painted wrapping around the handle. I take a sip and scald my tongue. Oh well.

She sits across from me with her own mug, staring at me. Finally, she speaks. "What do you know?"

I tell her all that Haymitch told me that was worthwhile repeating. Thalia is just staring and the tabletop that has been chipped and stained as a result of all the years it has been used. When I finish, she is clutching her mug so tight I'm afraid it might shatter under her grip. Finally, she looks up at me.

"Johanna," she says slowly. "You are a woman. And I can't make any choices for you. But, please consider this. Don't throw your life away-"

_Ha, what life?_

"-over keeping these kids alive. I can go in there instead-"

"Not a chance," I say sternly, taking a sip from my somewhat cooled drink. "I need you to stay here and help me out in there." 'There' as in the arena. The death trap. The place I am willingly returning to.

She sighs. "I knew you'd say this. All right. If you get called... I won't volunteer. But, it's truly your loss, Johanna. You don't know what you're doing."

I throw my mug on the table, spilling it's contents onto my hand, and stand up, giving her a cold glare. "I know very well what shit I got myself screwed up in. And, quite frankly, I couldn't care less if I died. It's not like anyone would care."

"I'd care," she says quietly. "And Blight, and Alto, and your family."

I'm quiet for a moment, remembering Hollis. I quickly shake her memory from my head and stare back at Thalia. "My family is the whole reason I'm doing this," I say lowly. "I need to avenge them. Even if I end up joining them."

Thalia is quiet for a minute, then slowly nods in agreement, even though I see her urge to protest. "Okay."

* * *

Ellie draws one slip from the two in the glass bowl and opens it. "Johanna Mason."

I knew it. No surprise there.

With my head up, I walk towards the stage and up the steps. My eyes catch Thalia's glance and she looks... guilty. She shouldn't be, I told her personally that I wanted to go and thats final. I tear my gaze from her and my eyes land on... Olive.

_God, of ALL people._

She quickly looks away, but I catch her glancing at me from the corner of her eye. After night she came to visit me, all she did was avoid me. No, I literally mean avoid me. If she saw me walking down the same street as her (which didn't happen very often, since I rarely went of my house), she would spin around and walk down another. Did it hurt my feelings? Yes. Did I care? No. She was just afraid of me, and it was better that way.

The last time we talked was, well, that night. And ever since then, she'd stopped avoiding me, but she'd look at me whenever she thought I wasn't looking, burning holes into my head. I liked the avoiding better.

"Now, for the boys," Ellie says. She bounces over to the boys bowl and makes a show of twirling her fingers in between the two slips. _Jesus. Any year now. The tension is unbearable. If I had my axe-_

"Blight Rivendell."

My eyes glance over to him. He doesn't look surprised, or worried, or relieved, or, well, anything really. Blight has never been one to show emotions. Unlike me, who acts angry. And the easy part about it is that I'm naturally angry.

He walks up to the stage calmly. His eye catches mine and I see a flicker of pain cross his eyes for a brief second. Or maybe I just imagined it. I hope I imagined it. It's bad enough I have Thalia worrying about me, I don't need anyone else to.

* * *

The first night on the train is... awkward.

We're eating dinner and I can't help but feel the tension between everyone. Even Ellie decided to keep her trap shut for once. Everyone is glaring at each other. Blight and Alto are glaring at Thalia and I and Thalia is glaring at them and I. Me? Oh, I'm just enjoying my lamb stew while quietly humming to myself.

_Down in the valley, the valley so low_

_Hang your head over, hear the wind blow_

_I used to sing it to Hollis before she went to sleep._

_Hear the wind blow, dear, hear the wind blow;_

_Hang your head over, hear the wind blow._

_She was afraid of the dark. It kept her nightmares away._

_Roses love sunshine, violets love dew,_

_Angels in Heaven know I love you,_

_I wish I could say the same for me._

_Know I love you, dear, know I love you,_

_Angels in Heaven know I love-_

"Can you stop humming that song, god dammit!" Thalia says. "You're acting like a mad woman!"

I roll my eyes, but stop humming. "I'm just trying to ease all this thick tension," I say innocently. The truth is I really am going crazy.

"What tension?" she asks innocently. Oh, please. The innocent act only works on me.

"C'mon. You know you wanna go at me and yourselves." I fork some more stew into my mouth while I look at them expectantly. "Go ahead. Might as well do it now."

They're all quiet for a minute. Then they all speak at once.

"Why didn't you-?!"

"I can't believe-!"

"How could you-?!"

They go on and on and on, blaming each other for things that were all my fault. I consider explaining the whole deal that Thalia and I made and to explain that I wanted to do this, to go into that arena to help save the two who this rebellion need, even if I do die. But I'm too tired re-explain everything, so I just let them squabble on. A minute in, they're standing and screaming and Ellie is trying oh so desperately to stop them before things get violent. I just smirk, casually sip some water, and walk to my room.

I pull off my fancy Capitol shirt and shove on a t-shirt. Then I kick off my boots, pull off my skirt, climb onto the sheets, and close my eyes. I start humming again.

_Know I love you, dear, know I love you,_

_Angels in Heaven know I love you_

To me, this is complete bullshit. It used to mean something to me, a long time ago, but it means nothing now. All it gives anyone is false hope.

Something we need to get rid of.

* * *

**Annnnnnnd... That's it.**

**I hope you liked it... I had fun writing it.**

**I added Thalia and Alto because of reasons I can't really tell you yet. But I think Thalia is sweet, don't you? I know Alto has practically no purpose, but that will change.**

**And she should be meeting Katniss and Peeta soon, maybe next chapter (?) Or maybe it will just be her reunion with Finnick. I don't know, you'll have to wait.**

**This time I went back and tried to edit any misspelled words or confusing parts, but I might've missed something. If so, I apologize.**

**If you're up to it... REVIEW! If you aren't up to it... REVIEW ANYWAY!**

**Cmon. You know you want to.**

**The button's right down there.**

**Still waiting.**

**I can sit here allllllll day.**

**Ugh. Fine. *tear***

**Best, Christina**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi!**

**So, I just finished reading The City Of Bones, and I have no words to describe how weirded out I am. I literally threw my book across the room. My bestie tells me that it's her favorite series and that i just haaaave to read it, but I refuse. I mean, come on! That book was so inappropriate! Yes yes, it did have it's absolutely amazing moments, but it went waaaaay too fast for my taste and then there's the ending of the book...**

**Sorry about that.**

**Song: My Immortal by Evanescence**

**I don't own THG, but I do own Peeta**

**Katniss: Back off sister, he is MINE!**

**Peeta: Yes! *fist pumps air* Finally!**

**Finnick: Hey, what about me? Don't you find this *rips of clothing* distracting?**

**Annie: YES!**

**Me: *shields innocent eyes* God dammit, put some clothes on! But I still love you. I love everyone equally.**

**Johanna: Kill me now**

* * *

"You're going to LOVE it!"

I sigh. Ruby, my stylist, is telling me about my costume. I doubt her very much. "Let me guess. Is it a tree?"

The excitement drains from her eyes and the corners of her mouth twitch into a frown. "Yeah. How did you know?"

"Lucky guess."

She huffs and hands me the black bag. I unzip it and see... Oh. Wow. A tree costume. Who could've guessed? It's pretty much a green jumpsuit that has some sort of design that is meant to look like leaves. I pull it on and look in the mirror. I don't look like a tree. All I look like is an idiot.

I walk out to the horses and see that Blight is there already, in some sort of deep conversation with Alto. Thalia isn't anywhere to be seen.

"Johanna!" someone calls from behind me. I turn around and when I see who it is, I smile.

"Finnick!"

Finnick is probably my best friend. We met during my first year as mentor. I was sitting on a couch, watching Garrett who was still alive. Blight had gone to get some dinner and I was alone except for a few other lingering mentors who were either drunk or morphlings. I felt one side of the couch lower, meaning someone sat down. I assumed it was Blight. But it wasn't.

"That Garrett kid is doing a good job," he said. My head snapped towards him and he smiled. He was as sexy and charming in real life as on television. It alarmed me that the Capitol's top sex toy was sitting next to. While I was alone. Luckily, I could take care of myself.

"Get the fuck away from me."

"Whoa, no need for language." He moved closer to me and I stomped on his foot so hard I thought I heard something crack. But he just kept staring at me like he didn't feel a thing. I was about to say something repulsive when a girl with red hair and sea green eyes walked up to us.

"Finnick," she whispered. I immediately recognized her as Annie Cresta, the girl from District Four who won the year before me. Everyone said that she went mad after seeing her district partner get decapitated. When I first saw her in person, I believed it.

She looked terrified of me, but was obviously trying to hide it. Finnick smiled at her. "Annie, this is Johanna Mason, my friend. Johanna, this is Annie Cresta, my other friend."

"I am not your friend," I said, trying to keep my cool so that Annie didn't freak out. "All you're doing is being an annoying dick."

He pretends to look offended. "My, and after all we've been through."

I give him a bitter laugh. "Stay away from me or I will kill you."

He laughs bitterly. "I'm not afraid of you."

I get up into his face. "You should be."

We sat like that for a minute, glaring at each other when Annie gasped nervously. We both looked up and saw that she was staring at the screen. Their living tribute, a fifteen year old girl named Michelle, just got stabbed in the neck by the boy from One. Annie looked like she was about to scream when Finnick bolted up and put both hands on her shoulders. He said a few soft words that seemed to calm her down. Then he turned back to me. He sat down next to me and put his head in his hands. And I decided that Finnick O'Dair wasn't just a heartless dick.

An hour later, Garrett died. I nearly vomited when, out of nowhere, Finnick hugged me. I stiffened at first, but something about him made me feel... safe. So I gave into his hug. And I felt safe for the first time in a year. And from that day forward, Finnick and I had become friends.

He walks over to me and gives me a friendly hug. Finnick is the only person I let hug me. Even Thalia isn't allowed to, and I see her nearly every day. Finnick I only talk when we see each other during the Hunger Games as mentors and on the phone once a year or so, if he has time to get to the phone. He spends half of his time doing Capitol-related stuff and the other half doing Annie-related stuff. Which leaves time for eating, sleeping, and bathroom stuff.

We part and he smiles. "It's good to see you again, despite the circumstances."

"You too," I say. Finnick is also the only person I'm glad to see despite anything. Even if we are going to fight to the death. "How's Annie?"

Finnick's face twitches in pain for a minute, but then he gives a sad smile. "Let's just say, thank god for Mags."

Originally, Annie's name got picked in the reaping. But an old woman, Mags, volunteered in her place. Mags is a good friend of Finnick and Annie, so it crushed the both of them. But, Mags had to volunteer for Annie, for two reasons. One, as much as I don't like to say it, Annie is mentally unstable. She wouldn't make it past the bloodbath unless Finnick was with her every single second. And two, Annie doesn't know about the rebel plans. Finnick didn't want to endanger her with the information.

A girl walks into the room that I immediately recognize as the famous Katniss Everdeen. She looks nervous, but is clearly trying to hide it. She walks over to her district carriage and starts petting the horse. She is wearing a black suit that makes her look somewhat like a burning coal, completely different from all her other sunshine and rainbow costumes she's worn before. I have to say, she looks pretty hot. She would be terrifying if she weren't so scared.

Finnick is petting my horse when he notices that I'm looking at her. Without another word, he picks up a handful of sugar cubes that we're supposed to feed the horses and walks over to her. I inch forward to eavesdrop.

He sneaks up behind her, pops a sugar cube in his mouth and starts crunching loudly. Katniss turns, startled. Finnick smiles his cocky smile and leans against her horse.

"Hello Katniss," he says casually.

"Hello Finnick," she says, looking slightly uncomfortable. I try not to laugh.

"Want a sugar cube?" he asks, holding out his hand. "They're supposed to be for the horses, but who cares? They've got years to eat sugar where as you and I... well, if we see something sweet we better grab it quick."

"No thanks," she says, looking a little freaked out. "I'd love to borrow your outfit sometime, though." All that Finnick is wearing is a golden fishing net tied specifically to hide his junk. But for Finnick, the more skin, the more sponsors. And right now, he was naked enough for even the Capital men to have orgasms.

"You look absolutely terrifying in that getup," Finnick says. "What happened to the pretty little-girl dresses?"

"I outgrew them," she says with a fierce face.

Finnick takes the collar of her outfit and runs it between his fingers. She shivers slightly. "It's too bad about this Quell thing. You could've made it out like a bandit in the Capital. Jewels, money, anything you wanted."

"I don't like jewels, and I have more money than I need. What do you spend all yours on, anyway, Finnick?" she says.

"Oh, I haven't dealt in anything as common as money for years."

"Then how do people pay for the pleasure of your company?" I swear, I'm about to go strangle her for saying such things (though well all know that I've said worse) when Finnick answers.

"With secrets." He leans forward so his lips just barely graze hers. "What about you, girl on fire? Do you have any secrets worth my time?"

She blushes and quickly tries to hide it. "No, I'm an open book. Everybody seems to know my secrets before I even know them myself."

He smiles. "Unfortunately, I think that's true." His eyes flick to the side where I see Peeta heading their way. "Peeta's coming. Sorry you had to cancel your wedding. I know how devastating that must be for you." He tosses another sugar cube in his mouth and walks back to me while I just stare at Katniss and Peeta as they talk.

"So. How'd I do?" he asks.

"I think you demolished any chance we had at getting them to be our allies." Katniss says something to Peeta and they both laugh.

"And what makes you think that?"

"You stood there like you wanted to rape her."

He simply smiles and pops a sugar cube in his mouth. Then he holds out his hand. "Want a sugar cube?" he asks in a seductive voice. I slap him on the arm and he jerks back. "Hey!"

"Don't you fucking dare ask me that again," I say.

"Fine," he mumbled. Then he walks over to his chariot where Mags is quietly petting their horse.

Blight walks up to me. "Let's get in the chariot," he says.

* * *

"Ugh!" I scream, clawing at my outfit. "This thing is so annoying!"

Blight chuckles. "I feel for you."

My eyes glance to the side and I see Katniss and Peeta heading towards the elevators, holding hands, alone. I smile and decide to have a little fun while I can.

I turn to Blight. "I'll see you at the suite." He nods and walks off. I walk up to Katniss' side. She glances at me as I pull off my headdress and toss it over my shoulder. I ruffle my hair and roll my eyes. "Isn't my costume awful? My stylist is the biggest idiot in the Capitol. Our tributes have been trees for forty years under her. Wish I'd gotten Cinna. You look fantastic." God, I hate talking about this shit, and Katniss clearly does too. But I want to get on her nerves.

She smiles falsely. "Yeah, he's been helping me design my own clothing line. You should see what he can do with velvet."

"I have. On your tour. That strapless number you wore in District Two? The deep blue one with the diamonds? So gorgeous I wanted to reach through the screen and tear it right off your back." Her smile falters slightly at the way I said the last part.

While we wait for the elevators, I casually unzip my costume and let it fall to the floor, then kick it away. I don't have anything underneath, so right now I'm nude. Like I even care. "That's better." A lot better. Katniss stares at me in horror and Peeta just glances to the side like I'm not there. The elevator doors open and we step inside. The doors close and the elevator starts to rise.

I turn to Peeta. "So. I hear you like to paint."

He looks at me, only in the face (not like I expected him to look any lower), and we start to talk about his paintings. I can feel Katniss' eyes burning into the side of my head, but I just ignore it and pretend to flirt with Peeta. When we reach level seven, I smile and walk out, leaving a grinning Peeta and a very traumatically disturbed Katniss behind.

I walk into the living room where everyone is sitting down and talking. I walk into the room causally.

"Hey," I say. They all turn to me, and once they notice the lack of clothing I'm wearing, they all gape at me. When they come back to their senses, Thalia is the one to speak.

"Uh, Johanna," she says. She coughs. "Why aren't you wearing anything?"

"Oh. I took it off at the chariots." All three of them have seen me naked before; this isn't the first time they've seen me without proper attire (don't ask). But they seem to be more weirded out every time. I find it amusing.

I ran a hand through my hair. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a shower." I'm already undressed, so I might as well.

I stalk off to my room where I grab a towel and turn the water to its hottest setting, letting the hot steam surround me. I press the button I always use to get soap, which squirts coconut scented shampoo into my hand. I suppose there are hundreds of other soaps I could try, but I like the scent of coconut. It so simple and sweet and practically the only thing from the Capital I am actually glad to have access to.

I finish quickly, dry myself off with the towel, and pull on some shorts and a t-shirt. Then I sit on my bed and try to comb out my newly washed hair. When it's not too tangled anymore, I tie it up and walk out to have dinner.

* * *

On the first day of training, I immediately ditch Blight who heads off somewhere else while I go to the wrestling section and strip. I notice that the instructor is smirking at me so I flip him off. I grab a big glob of oil and start to rub it all over myself. And when I say all over myself, I mean all over myself.

Katniss walks by and casts a curious glance my way, which soon turns into a repulsed one. God. If she can't handle seeing me naked, then she wouldn't stand a chance in that arena. Good thing there are so many people willing to die for her. She doesn't know how lucky she is...

I suddenly remember that conversation I had with Olive, when she said I didn't know how lucky I was. I thought I was the most unlucky person ever. But, now that I think about it, there are people who have it worse than me. Like Finnick, who had to sleep with a different freak from the Capital nearly every night even though he has a beautiful girl he is deeply in love with. Or like Katniss, who, even though I barely know her, I know has to pretend to be in love with a boy to keep those who she really loves alive.

Ah, who am I kidding. I'm just as lucky as them. At least Finnick has Annie and Mags and Katniss has Peeta and her family. As for me, the most I've got is Finnick, who I almost never see and who is probably going to die soon, and Thalia, who is simply just a good friend that is way too attached to me. Nothing special. No one special.

I look over to Katniss and see her with Nuts and Volts, AKA Wiress and Beetee. They're the tributes from Three. Nuts is, well, nuts. It's pretty self explanatory. And Volts won his Hunger Games by electrocuting the crap out of everyone simply using a wire. I'm no genius, but I'm pretty sure it takes a shitload of brain and drive to that. The sad thing is that Katniss seems to be friendly and in a deep conversation with them, which means that she probably wants them as allies. God. Just the thought of spending a few minutes with those two makes me taste bile in my throat, let alone days.

I finish oiling myself and go up against my first opponent. He's wearing head gear and gloves, but I plan to take him head on. I'm not afraid of this daisy. I wrap both my hands into tight fists and the whistle blows. Immediately, I lunge at him and he throws a punch at me, which I easily dodge. I knock his leg out from under him and put him into a chokehold. After a minute, I drop him and he gasps for air. I wasn't holding him that tight.

"Good job," he gasps.

"Too easy," I say. "If I'm gonna kill people, I need a challenge!"

He looks at me weirdly, and slightly frightened, then walks off to change into a suit that isn't covered in sweat and my body oil. I grab a towel and wipe off most of the oil, not caring about how much I get off or leave on. I put my outfit back on when I see Peeta at the painting station, allowing the morphlings from Five to paint swirls on his face.

I walk over to him and wave my hands at the morphlings. "Shoo," I say. They scamper off.

Peeta eyes me warily. "Hello..."

I sit down across from him. "Show me."

He looks confused. "Show you what?"

I roll my eyes. "Your painting skills, dummy."

"Oh," he says. "Uh... sure." He seems nervous, but he takes a small brush and starts to paint something on his hand. I can't tell what it is at first, but when he finishes, I see... nope. Still don't know what it is.

"What the hell is that supposed to be?" I ask. He looks slightly offended, but then places his hand over the bark of one of the fake trees. And his arm disappeared into the tree. "Wha... How did you do that?"

He smiles. "You saw. Camouflage. Remember from my games? Katniss found me..." He frowns slightly.

"You do a pretty damn good job at painting," I tell him, still bewildered.

"Wow," he says. I realize that it's the first time he's ever heard me compliment anyone. It's not like I do it often. "Thanks." I nod.

"So... what's up with you and Katniss?" I ask, giving him a little you-know-what-I'm-talking-about nudge. He gives me a look, then looks over at her, where she's still hanging around Wiress and Beetee.

"It's... fine," he says, looking down.

I scoff. "C'mon. You guys must be going through hell."

He looks up grimly. "Is it that obvious?"

"Any decent person can guess," I say. "And I'm as decent as they get."

He sighs. "It's just... It's all complicated. I don't know where we stand anymore..." I'm surprised that he's telling me all of this. He seems to have gained my trust. Somewhat.

"What do you mean?" I ask, not really interested. But Peeta seems like he needs it, and I'm feeling generous at the moment.

"We... got into a fight the other night..." he looks down again.

_What?_ "What happened?"

He blushes. "It's kinda personal..."

_Damn. What happened?_

He looks over to Katniss again and changes the subject. "Who are those two people she's with?"

I look over to the three of them. "Oh, those two? Their names are Wiress and Beetee, but I personally call then Nuts and Volts."

He frowns. "Wait, what?"

"Beetee's Volts and Wiress is Nuts. He's Volts because he electrocuted a bunch of people to win his games and she's Nuts because she... well, is."

"Okay...?" Peeta says.

We're quiet again. Peeta keeps staring at Katniss, who has abandoned Wiress and Beetee and has gone over to Mags at the fishing station. "What was your fight about?" I ask. I'm genuinely interested. I want them to get along again so they don't go ahead and kill each other in the arena (not like I expect that to happen, but still).

Peeta glances over to me. "Why are you so interested in Katniss and I?"

I groan and roll my eyes. "None of your business. And don't change the subject!"

"If it's none of my business to know why you want to know my business, then my business is none of your business." He says it so smugly I have to suppress a laugh.

"Touché," I tell him. I smirk. "I like you, Mellark."

He smiles. "Thanks."

I notice that everyone is crowded around a certain section of the room, watching someone. Peeta and I tread over to the crowd and I stand next to Blight. It's the archery section.

_Wow. I wonder who it could possibly be._

Katniss is shooting the living daylights out of a bunch of fake birds. God, that girl can really shoot. She would make a good ally, but technically I'm the one who's supposed to be protecting her, not the other way around.

When she finishes, she looks over at all of us as if she just notices we are there. She gives Peeta a nervous smile, drops her bow, and the two of them walk off together.

* * *

When training ends, Blight and I get into the elevator.

"I can't believe you stripped in front of all those people," he says. "Especially Katniss and Peeta."

"Oh please," I say. "This wasn't the first time they saw me nude."

His eyebrows crease. "It wasn't?"

"No. They saw me strip at the Opening Ceremony. And then I went in the elevator with them." I laugh picturing the expression Katniss had.

Blight just looks annoyed. "Johanna, I'm pretty sure that by doing that you threw every chance at gaining their trust out the window."

"Nah," I say. "I'm pretty sure Finnick ruined those chances when he asked Katniss if she wanted a sugar cube and if she had any secrets."

He looks surprised. "He asked her that?"

"Blight, it's Finnick."

The doors to the elevator open and Blight and I walk into our suite. He has his lips pursed, but he doesn't look too annoyed with me.

"Oh goodie! You're back!" Ellie says. I inwardly groan. "Come on! Time for dinner!" Her eyes flicker past us for a second and her smile... falters? Wow. I never knew it could do that before.

"Looks like we've got a new Avox," she says. Huh?

I turn around-

And see that our new Avox is Olive.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey...**

**I really enjoyed writing the last chapter, but it took a LOT of hard work to finish. So please excuse any spelling mistakes and stuff. I hope you liked it.**

**This chapter picks up where the last chapter ended. Please enjoy and PLEASE review!**

**Song: 9 Crimes by Damien Rice**

**I don't own THG, but I do own three turtles named Red, Toast, and Four (no joke (don't you dare judge me)).**

* * *

I can't move.

Olive is purposefully avoiding my gaze, and all I can think is, what the hell did she do to become and Avox? It must've been godawful, because they don't make just anybody into one. My mouth tries to form words, but all that comes out is a shrill shriek.

"What the fuck did you do?" I ask her angrily. She looks up at me, expressionless.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO BITCH?!" I shriek. I'm about to go at her when someone grips my arm and tugs me down the hall. I don't bother to protest, or to look and see who it is. Olive glances my way and when she catches me staring at her, she looks away and briskly walks into the kitchen without looking back. Not like I expect her to. I want to look away from her departing figure but I can't move. I can't move.

Whoever is dragging me pulls me into their room and locks the door behind them. I find the strength to look up and see that it's Alto. He's gone slightly pale and looks seriously uncomfortable, but at least he has the strength to stand. He just stares at me for the longest time and I find it seriously uncomfortable, more so that I can't move out of his gaze. I can't move. I can't move.

After a while, he kneels down in front of me like I am a child. Alto's always been one to treat me like a child, despite the hundreds of times I've flipped him off for doing so. I know that he's concerned about me like the others are, but he shouldn't be. No one should be. I can take care of myself. I can.

"Johanna," he says softly. "Are you okay?"

Somewhere deep inside of me, I feel something crack and before I know it I'm standing up and letting off my steam.

"Of course I'm not okay!" I cry. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?!"

Alto, being his patient self, stands before me as calm as a person can be. "Because we never know if you are or if you aren't. You never show any other emotion besides anger."

"Well," I say, "maybe there is no other emotion to be shown!"

"Are you sure about that?"

"Don't be such a smart ass!"

He's quiet for a minute and just stares at me. "No matter how deep you bury you emotions Jo, they're still there. And the longer they stay hidden the more desperate they'll be to be shown."

"You are not my psychiatrist!" I say angrily. "And incase you haven't noticed, I don't need to be treated like a child!"

"Then stop acting like one!" he says. Clearly he has lost his patience with me. "Johanna, this is a shock to me too. It's a shock to everyone. But you don't need to yell profanities at the girl and beat her up!"

"But-"

"But nothing," he says, lowering his voice. "Look. We have larger problems on our hands. We need to train you and Blight to be as deadly as possible in that arena." Before I can protest, he continues. "I know that you are deadly, I've seen what you can do with an axe. But you haven't killed anyone with it in four years." He pauses as if expecting me to say something, but I surprise him by keeping my trap shut. "So we need you to contain your anger and save it for where it is needed most. Okay?"

"Okay," I grumble.

"Good," he says, running a hand through his hair. "Let's go have dinner."

"I'm tired." Truth be told, I just don't want to see Olive again.

"Fine," he says. "But I'm sending someone to give you dinner in your room anyway."

I open the door, walk to my room, slam it shut, plop face first on my bed and make a loud moan. I then pull off my training uniform and go into the shower, washing off all sweat and excess oil from my body. When I'm cleaned enough, I turn off the water, dry myself off, and pull on a t-shirt and shorts when someone knocks.

"Come in," I say. The door opens and an Avox walks into the room (thankfully not Olive) with a dinner tray. I gesture over to the table by my bed and he puts it over there, then nods and walks out. I sit on the side of my bed and eat a little, but I barley eat anything from my lack of appetite. A little while later, there's another knock on the door. "Come in." But the person who walks in isn't the Avox I had before. It's Olive.

Great. I can't move again.

She looks at me with remorse, but then points to the tray. Right. She came here to retrieve my dinner. I hand her the practically full plate and she turns around, eager to leave, when I say something.

"Olive?"

Slowly, she turns to see me, obviously anxious to sprint out the door.

I take a deep breath and say it quickly. "I'm sorry."

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry for blocking you out, for yelling at you, for making you feel like you did something wrong, for being a horrible friend, for making you cry. I'm sorry for everything_. So much is implied in those two words, much more than I could possibly say. And she nods, knowing what I mean. She grabs a piece of paper and writes down something, then hands it to me.

I'm sorry too.

I nod. She gives me the smallest smile, then turns and walks out the door with my tray. I lay on my bed and close my eyes, feeling as if a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

* * *

On the last day of training, we have our private training sessions at the end of the day. . During lunch, everyone is bonding and joking about what we'll do. Sing, dance, strip (which I seriously consider doing (kidding, kidding, they'll probably rip off their clothes too and try to rape me)), tell jokes and other shit. I don't know what to do, but I'll probably just hack the shit out of a couple of dummies with my axe. It's simple and will get me a good enough score. Mags says she's just gonna take a nap. I wonder what Katniss and Peeta will do. I hope it isn't anything stupid.

As more people get called to perform, the quieter it gets. Especially after Finnick leaves. He's the guy who can break all tension, despite any situation. I go over to Mags to keep her company.

"Hello," I say. She turns to me and smiles. She tells me hello too. I have learned to make out her speech during my second year as mentor. Mags took over mentoring the kids for Annie, since we all knew she wouldn't be able to handle it. Both my tributes and their tributes died in the bloodbath, so we spent a lot of free time together talking. Also bothering Haymitch (more so Finnick and I than Mags and Blight).

"Thank you for volunteering," I blurt out. "For Annie, I mean."

Mags smiles and tells me that she didn't mind. She would do anything for the girl.

"Well, thanks anyway. It sure means a lot to Finnick. And me." Just the thought of Annie having to go back into that hellhole is enough to make me taste bile.

She just smiles and nods. Her name is called and she lightly kisses me on the forehead. Then she stands up and slowly exits the cafeteria. Blight walks over to me and sits next to me. "How're you doing?" he asks.

"Fine," I mumble. He just nods.

"Haymitch told us that Katniss and Peeta are still deciding on who they want their allies to be, but I'm pretty sure that Katniss want Beetee, Wiress and Mags."

Wow. "What the hell is she trying to do, get herself killed?" Not that I have anything against Mags, she's a wonderful lady. But she is and eighty year old woman who has no desire to kill anyone or be the least bit responsible for their death. She'll just be extra weight. And Nuts and Volts... Well, they'll just make her wanna rip her hair out. Yes, they can occasionally be helpful with their brains, but physically, they'll be extra weight too.

Blight makes a face. "Well, they are both trying to save each other." He pauses. "I think Haymitch made a mistake by promising both of them."

I shrug. "We both know that neither of them would've given up until he promised. All he did was save time."

"I guess you're right," he says. We stay quiet and I glance over to Katniss and Peeta who are sitting a few seats away, smiling at each other and holding hands. I swear, you wouldn't know if they were acting unless you were told. I mean, obviously Peeta isn't acting. It's Katniss who's hesitant. I don't know why; she's practically got the kid wrapped around her little finger.

Although...

_Maybe_, just _maybe_, she _isn't_ acting?

* * *

After I took a shower, I walked into the living room. Everyone else is already seated and the last seat is next to Blight. I sit down and cross my arms over my chest. We're waiting for the training results.

"So Blight," I say. "What'd you do?"

He shrugs. "Tied knots 'n' stuff." Wow._ Very specific, Blight_. "What about you?"

I shrug. "Just hacked the living shit out of dummies 'n' stuff," I say, mimicking him. He laughs. "One of the plastic arms flew up, hit the forcefield and was about to hit me when I jumped out of the way."

"Good for you," Thalia says sourly.

The television comes to life and we see a picture of each tribute with their score underneath. Cashmere, Gloss, Brutus, Enobaria and Finnick pull the highest scores. I silently congratulate Finnick and wait for District Seven to come up. As it turns out, Blight pulls a seven and I pull an eight. We high-five each other and Thalia, Alto and Ellie congratulate us.

When District Twelve comes up, everyone quiets down. And guess what? They both pulled a twelve. Twelve._ They pulled a freaking twelve_. Great. That's just going to put them higher on the Careers' kill list, which only makes things more difficult for me. But I shouldn't worry. It's nothing that I can't handle.

* * *

The next day, Blight and I are preparing for the Interview. I'm with Thalia and Blight's with Alto.

"So..." she says.

"So..." I say.

She purses her lips. "Well, we both know that you aren't going to put up the scared little girl act again, or try to be nice."_ No, is it that obvious_? "All of the mentors got together and want you tributes to say anything absolutely anything to get the Capital to stop the Quell."

I smile. "Anything?"

She eyes me warily, than slowly nods. "Yes..."

"Great!" I say like a five year old who was just given a cookie. "I know what I'm gonna do."

* * *

After being poked, prodded, shaved, painted, creamed and yelling an efficient amount of profanities, my Prep Team is finlly done with me. They learned a long time ago to show no emotions around me, after I called them something that made Roseanna faint, Lula scream, and Orion retch. Still, there is that occasional time where they can't hold them in. Like now.

"Can I just look at it now?" I ask, getting seriously irritated.

"Not yet," Ruby says. I groan. Someone adjusts my dress. "Okay. Now you can."

I tear the blindfold from my face and gasp.

I look... good. For once.

I'm wearing a dark, beige dress that shimmers when I move. It has a long, feathered skirt and is one-sleeved. I have long eye lashes and my dark hair sits on top of my head in a bundle of curls. I look like a bitch.

"It's perfect," I say with a satisfied smile. The four of them squeal. This is practically the first time I've ever been satisfied with their work.

Ruby pulls me into a hug (careful not to ruin my dress) and I'm about to punch her, but I think better of it. She means well, and this is the last night I'm going to see her, so I'll let this one slide. Once they realize it's safe, the rest of my Prep Team gathers me into a group hug. And even though they're from the Capitol and have no fucking idea what crappy lives the people of the Districts have, I can't help but feel slightly comforted by their love.

Key word: slightly.

Slightly. Just slightly.

"We'll miss you Johanna," Lula says. "Despite your rudeness."

"Thanks," I say. I don't take it to heart, but I can't help but slightly feel, again, like they care about me. Slightly. Despite the insult.

They all pull away and fix my dress. Then I walk out and see Finnick. He's dressed in a white shirt that shows as much of his chest as possible with black, leather pants. Pretty damn sexy, if ask me.

"Wow Jo," he says when he sees me. "You sure look sluttish."

"You're too kind," I say. "And speak for yourself, sex god."

He laughs. He glances past me and suddenly stops when he sees something. "Whoa."

I turn to see what he's looking at and I see Katniss. In her _wedding dress_.

This is going to be one interesting night.

* * *

**Please review? The sooner you review, the sooner I update, and the sooner you figure out what is going to happen. While I was writing this chapter I came up with this amazing idea that will blow your minds. Literally. It blew mine, anyway, and I was the one who thought of it. **

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**Please?**

**Please?**

***sniffle* ****:'(**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi.**

**This is just about the interviews and... other stuff. It's my favorite so far. Please R&R!**

**Bye.**

**Song: Say Something by A Great Big World**

**I don't own THG. But I do own Peeta. No, seriously. I do. If you even look at him I will personally have Johanna axe you in the junk.**

* * *

Everyone falls silent and stares at Katniss and Peeta.

I almost laugh. They're both wearing what I assume is their wedding attire, which is just fantastic, because they'll be sure to manipulate the crowd. None of those Capitol idiots will be able to handle no 'fairy tale ending' for the 'star-crossed lovers'. They also look so incredibly ridiculous. Katniss is wearing a big, fluffy, pearl-covered white gown and if someone tried to put me in that thing, I would put my axe in their face. Peeta's wearing a snazzy tux with white gloves which makes him almost Finnick gorgeous, as the Capitol people would say, but no. Apparently no one can be be as gorgeous as Finnick.

They just stand there awkwardly as everyone stares at them. With hatred or pity, I don't know. All I know is that Katniss is starting to get a little on edge. Finally, Finnck says something. "I can't believe Cinna put you in that thing."

"He didn't have any choice," Katniss says somewhat defensively. "President Snow made him."

Cashmere flips her pretty girl hair out of her face and huffs. "Well, you look ridiculous!" My thoughts exactly.

Everyone begins to line up and I notice that a bunch of people are throwing pitiful looks their way and sympathetically patting their shoulders. Seriously? They aren't even in love! They don't lose anything by having no wedding. If anything, they gain a little bit of freedom back. A little bit. Barely anything at all. But it's still there.

I notice that Katniss' necklace is slightly crooked. Before I know what I am doing, I walk up to her and straigten it.

"Make him pay for it," I say. "Okay?"

She looks at me in confusion. I shouldn't blame her. After all, the last time we talked I wasn't wearing anything. But she nods anyway.

I sit down in my seat next to Blight. He's wearing a suit that is made out of the same material as my dress. He looks at me and gasps in mock astonishment. "She _actually_ got _you_ to wear a _dress_?"

"No shit," I say. "What else did you expect me to wear? Nothing?"

"I would have been less surprised if you did that."

I turn away from him, done with the conversation. My eye catches Finnick's sea green ones. He grins and waves like the idiot he is. I look in the other direction and see Katniss and Peeta, clutching onto each other's hands for dear life. It's like I said before, you wouldn't be able to tell that they aren't a couple unless you were told personally. But I swear, there is definitely something else going on between them. They just may not know it yet.

Finally, the interviews begin. Brutus and Enobaria don't do anything to try and guilt the Capital out of going through with the Quell. All they are is excited about killing more people. I wonder what goes on in their little fucked up minds. Probably something like 'DIE DIE DIE BLOOD DEATH TEETH DIE'. Even I don't think stuff that fucked up, and I'm pretty fucked up myself.

Cashmere gets things started when she talks about how she 'just can't stop crying' when she thinks of how much the people in the Capitol must be suffering because they will lose us. Gloss recalls the kindness shown here to him and his sister. Beetee questions the legality of the Quell in his own freakish way, wondering if it's been fully examined by experts of late. Finnick recites a poem he wrote to his one true love in the Capitol, (which I know for a fact is really Annie. I wonder how she's handling watching him right now. Probably not too well) and about a hundred people faint because they're 'absolutely positive' he's talking about them. Then the drunkies and morphlings go and just mumble a bunch of stuff that makes no actual sense. Then it's my turn.

Finnick gives me his signature cocky smile and two thumbs up. I make a mental note to punch him later. If I have a later.

I stand and head over to Caesar as the crowd screams and applauses. He smiles at me and I just cross my arms over my chest and huff. But Caesar just keeps on smiling and waits for the crowd to dial down their excitement.

"Now," he starts. "We have seen a lot of tears tonight, but I don't see any tears in Johanna's eyes. Johanna, I understand that you are angry." _You don't say! _"Tell us why." He holds the microphone to my mouth.

"Well yes, I'm angry. You know I'm getting totally screwed over here. The deal was if I win the Hunger Games, I get to live the rest of my life in peace... but now, you want to kill me again. Well you know what? FUCK THAT! AND FUCK EVERYONE WHO HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT!" The Capital people gasp in astonishment, for no one has used such vain profanities against the Capital in all history. But I did. And I almost laugh at the very uncomfortable expression on Caesar's face.

"Well... That's one woman's opinion," he strains. "Who's next?"

I turn and walk back to my seat. I sit down, satisfied. After all, Thalia told me to say anything. So I said something. And this is what happened. I look back at Finnick to see if he's still wearing his cocky smile, but it has been replaced with a nervous grin as he covers Mags' ears. Everyone else either looked at me in disbelief, disgust, or approval. Mostly disbelief. But honestly, they should know me well enough by now to that I would be willing to pull something like that, even if it was simply to get a point across.

After Blight, those from Eight go, which is Cecilia and Woof. Then those from Nine and Ten. When it's her turn, Seeder says that in Eleven, everyone assumes that Snow's all-powerful (yeah, I can second that). So if he's so powerful, why doesn't he change the Quell? Then Chaff says that the president could change the Quell if he wanted to, but he must not think it would matter. But we all know he just wants to kill us all, regardless anything.

When they reach Katniss' turn, the audience is so emotionally disturbed that I have to suppress a smile. People have been weeping and collapsing and even asking for change. They are distressed that there is no more happy ending for the lovers, no more wedding, no more beautiful future. The simple sight of her in that dress practically causes a riot. One half of my brain keeps screaming 'progress!' while the other half keeps screaming 'this is pointless'. I've been leaning towards the later since day one.

Caesar looks emotionally distressed as well, but not because of Katniss. Because he's losing his perfect charm over the crowd. When he manages to quiet down the people for a minute, he starts.

"So, Katniss, obviously this is a very emotional night for everyone. Is there anything you'd like to say?"

Her voice trembles. "Only that I'm so sorry you won't get to be at my wedding ... but I'm glad you at least get to see me in my dress. Isn't it just ... the most beautiful thing?" She begins to twirl slowly and raises her arms above her head and, as expected, fire begins to form from the hem. I don't know how Cinna does that, nor do I really need to. But then the flames start to travel up her skirt and I'm worried she's gonna turn to ashes before we even get into the arena. She looks panicked as the flames engulf her. Peeta looks the most concerned out of all of us. But when the smoke disappears, she isn't even slightly burned. Instead, she's wearing a dress just like her wedding one, except it's black and has tiny feathers. She holds out her long arms that have yellow stripes on the sleeves and-

Sweet Jesus, Cinna's done it now.

He turned her into a mockingjay.

Caesar tentatively touches her headpiece. "Feathers. You're like a bird." _No shit._

"A mockingjay, I think," she says, giving her wings a small flap. "It's the bird on the pin I wear as a token."

A shadow of recognition flickers across Caesar's face, and I can tell he knows that the mockingjay isn't just a token. That it's come to symbolize so much more, to symbolize freedom and rebellion and destruction of all we've come to know so well. But he makes the best of it.

"Well, hats off to your stylist. I don't think anyone can argue that that's not the most spectacular thing we've ever seen in an interview. Cinna, I think you better take a bow!" Caesar gestures for Cinna to rise. He does, and makes a small, gracious bow. Does he know what he's done? Yes. Of course he has. This was no accident. This was an act of defiance.

And hell do I know what happens to those who defy the Capital.

The audience, who's been stunned into silence, breaks into wild applause. The buzzer rings and Caesar thanks her. She walks back to her seat with everyone staring at her. I notice that as she passes Peeta, who's heading to Caesar for his interview, he doesn't meet her eyes. He's up to something. I feel it.

"So, Peeta, what was it like when, after all you've been through, you found out about the Quell?" asks Caesar.

"I was in shock. I mean, one minute I'm seeing Katniss looking so beautiful in all these wedding gowns, and the next ..." Peeta trails off.

"You realized there was never going to be a wedding?" asks Caesar gently.

Peeta pauses for a long moment, as if deciding something. He looks out at the audience, then at the floor, then finally up at Caesar. "Caesar, do you think all our friends here can keep a secret?"

What is he getting at...?

The crowd laughs uncomfortably. What can he mean? Keep a secret from who? Our whole world is watching.

"I feel quite certain of it," says Caesar.

"We're already married," says Peeta quietly.

Well. That caught me offguard.

The crowd reacts in astonishment. I glance over at Katniss who is burying her face in the folds of her skirt. I look back at Peeta.

"But ... how can that be?" Caesar asks, clearly confused like everyone else in Panem.

"Oh, it's not an official marriage. We didn't go to the Justice Building or anything. But we have this marriage ritual in District Twelve. I don't know what it's like in the other districts. But there's this thing we do," Peeta says, and he briefly describes the toasting. In District Seven, the couple that is getting married carves their name into a log and then burn it. I have only seen this once, for my aunt, but I don't know where she is or if she knows about me or if she's even alive. I don't know.

"Were your families there?" asks Caesar.

"No, we didn't tell anyone. Not even Haymitch. And Katniss's mother would never have approved. But you see, we knew if we were married in the Capitol, there wouldn't be a toasting. And neither of us really wanted to wait any longer. So one day, we just did it," Peeta says. "And to us, we're more married than any piece of paper or big party could make us."

"So this was before the Quell?" says Caesar.

"Of course before the Quell. I'm sure we'd never have done it after we knew," Peeta says, starting to get upset. "But who could've seen it coming? No one. We went through the Games, we were victors, everyone seemed so thrilled to see us together, and then out of nowhere—I mean, how could we anticipate a thing like that?"

"You couldn't, Peeta." Caesar puts an arm around his shoulders. "As you say, no one could've. But I have to confess, I'm glad you two had at least a few months of happiness together."

Enormous applause. Katniss looks up from her feathers and lets the audience see her tragic smile of thanks. Her eyes are teary, but I can't tell if it's from the smoke or if they're real.

"I'm not glad," Peeta says. What? "I wish we had waited until the whole thing was done officially."

This takes even Caesar aback. "Surely even a brief time is better than no time?"

"Maybe I'd think that, too, Caesar," Peeta says bitterly, "if it weren't for the baby."

Damn. The kid's done it again. If the audience was on the edge of rioting before, then now they are rebelling. Even the most freakishly obsessed Capital mutt can't ignore how fucked up this is. I mean, she's freaking pregnant. That's not something you can just pass by like patching up a paper cut with a bandage. No, this is more like removing a spear from your chest and trying your hardest to live.

The audience can't absorb the news right away. It has to strike them and sink in and be confirmed by other voices before they begin to sound like a herd of wounded animals, moaning, shrieking, calling for help. And me? Well, first things first. I need to know if what he said was true or not because, quite frankly, I have no fucking clue whatsoever. I watch Peeta as he walks back to his seat and hugs Katniss, both of them teary-eyed. But Haymitch told me that their little fiasco was fake, and it was obviously fake to anyone with half a mind. At least, during their Tour. And that was a long time ago...

I don't know. I don't know.

Caesar can't rein in the crowd again. I can see his lips moving, but the place is in total chaos and I can't hear a word. Only the blast of the anthem, cranked up so loud I can feel it vibrating through my bones, lets us know where we stand in the program. Everyone stands up and Katniss and Peeta grasp hands. Then Katniss grabs onto the stump that completes Chaff's arm and it happens. Up and down the row, the victors begin to join hands. Some right away, like the morphlings, or Wiress and Beetee. Others unsure but caught up in the demands of those around them, like Brutus and Enobaria. One of the morphlings offers their hands to me and I grasp it, then offer my hand to Blight who takes it generously. By the time the anthem plays its final strains, all twenty-four of us stand in one unbroken line in what must be the first public show of unity among the districts since the Dark Days. You can see the realization of this as the screens begin to pop into blackness. It's too late, though. In the confusion they didn't cut us off in time. Everyone has seen.

There's disorder on the stage now, too, as the lights go out and we're left to stumble back into the Training Center. I lose hold of Blight and the morphling. Someone grabs my hand and I see that it's Finnick. At first I think he's pulling me in the direction of the elevators, but then I notice that he's trying to catch up with Peeta and Katniss. Maybe he wants to make sure if the pregnancy is real or a ploy. Suddenly a harried Peacekeeper blocks us and the two of them step in the elevator and shoot upward.

"Do you think it's true?" I ask. "The pregnancy, I mean."

"I don't know," he says, concern etching his voice. I realize how much more difficult this could make our task. If she does happen to be knocked up, then the two of them will be way more stubborn than they already are, which will make convincing them to do what we say without spilling the beans next to impossible.

"We need to find out then," I say. "I'll call Haymitch and call you too."

"Fine," he says. "Let's hope for the best."

* * *

I walk into the living room with Blight trailing behind me.

Thalia and Alto are sitting there, waiting for me. Alto has his face in his hands and Thalia is staring at the wall across from her blankly. When we walk in they look up abruptly.

"That turned out grand," I say irritated.

"No kidding," Blight says in the same tone.

"Those were some very... interesting things you said in your interview Johanna," Thalia tells me.

"I just said what I was thinking," I say, pulling off some of the jewelry. "And as much as I'd love to talk I gotta do something." I dart out of the room before they can say anything.

I walk into my room, strip off my dress, take a two minute shower, pull on a robe, and pick up the phone. I dial the number for the twelfth floor. It rings twice before it picks up.

"Hello?" Haymitch asks, clearly out of sorts.

"It's Jo," I breathe. "Look, I need you to clear something up."

"Clear what up?"

"Is she really pregnant?" I blurt out.

He pauses like he is hesitating. I cross my fingers. _Please be no. Please be no. Please be no._ Then he speaks.

"Yes."


	6. Chapter 6

**He he. Bet you weren't expecting that to happen last chapter. I wasn't really expecting it either. That wasn't the surprise I was talking about before, incase you thought it was. No, the surprise is much bigger. There are tiny hints about it this chapter. See if you can pick them up.**

**This chapter picks up where the last one left off...**

**Song: Eyes Open by Taylor Swift**

**I don't own THG. I think you know that by now.**

* * *

Wait. What?

"You-you can't be serious," I say. "Tell me this is some sort of sick joke."

He sighs, exasperated. "Johanna, do you honestly think I would joke about something as serious as this?" No. I don't. Haymitch doesn't really joke at all, let alone... _this. _I feel bile start to rise in my throat.

"Well, this makes things more complicated," I say, slightly annoyed. "You could've told us-"

"I didn't know," he says, disappointment etching his voice. "I just found out."

What? Why wouldn't Katniss and Peeta tell him? I mean, Haymitch could've helped them out. Although, if I had a secret like that, I'd wanna keep it to myself. I can't believe Peeta told the whole world. Well, he was probably trying to help stop the games, and if not that, then at least get Katniss out of them. But we all know neither will happen. No matter how hard we tried.

"Hello?" he says, and I realize how long I've stayed silent.

"Oh. That's too bad," I say monotone. I've never been one to sympathize much. Everyone knows that. But I do have my very limited moments. Though they seem to be increasing in numbers by the second. And it kinda freaks me out.

"Yeah," he says. We're quiet again.

"I gotta go," I say. We bid goodbye and hang up. I then dial the number for the fourth floor. It picks up on the first ring.

"So?" It's Finnick.

"Peeta wasn't lying," I say.

"Damn it," he mutters. "You'd think that after all of the lies that they've told, that this would be their best one."

"I know," is all I say.

We're quiet for a minute when he speaks up. "Johanna."

"Hm?"

"Be prepared tomorrow," he says, and for one of those rare occasions in his life, he is actually acting serious.

"I will be," I say. "I already am." After that, we hang up.

I huff and run a hand through my damp, still curled hair. And I realize that what I said was true. I really am prepared to fight. To defeat the Capitol. To save the Mockingjay.

To die.

There is a soft knock on my door. "Come in," I manage through a yawn.

The door creaks open slowly and Thalia trudges in. She has her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes look tired and weak, like she's trying not to cry. I just stare at her.

"Can I help you?" I say, annoyed. I just wanna get rest while I can get it peacefully. Well, as peacefully as it can be with the nightmares and all.

Thalia looks like she's about to cry, but quickly rubs her eyes with the heels of her hands to hide any proof. She then looks me in the eye.

"Johanna," she starts, "whatever you do in there... don't be stupid, okay?"

"When have I ever done anything stupid?" I ask offensively. She gives me that are-you-fucking-kidding-me look.

"Johanna, by the time I finish the list of everything stupid you have done, it will be morning."

I cross my arms over my chest and roll my eyes. "If you're here to tell me that I'm a bitch, I already know."

"Jo," she says sternly. "You have asked me several favors in these past few months. And I have done as you have asked, no matter how against it I was. But now it's my turn. I need you to do as I say in that arena."

"Fine," I mutter. Only because I do kinda owe her big time.

She seems to lose some tension. "I need you to make an alliance with Beetee and Wiress." Now it's time for me to give her that are-you-fucking-kidding-me look. Before I can object, she continues. "Look. Katniss wants them as allies. And as smart as Beetee and Wiress are, they are physically challenged." _No shit_. "Finnick and Mags are going to become allies with Katniss and Peeta, since Katniss trusts Mags and Mags trusts Finnick. You just need to keep Beetee and Wiress alive until both of your alliances meet. Okay?"

"Okay," I say. But on the inside I'm screaming. Why does it have to be _those_ two? I'd rather take morphlings as allies than Nuts and Volts. Well, maybe not morphlings.

Thalia smiles slightly. "Good luck Jo." Then she turns around and walks out the door. I know that she wanted to say more. I saw it in her eyes. But she must've known I wouldn't want to hear it.

I sit on the edge of my bed and stare out the window. The city isn't bustling with life as much as it usually is, and there is no celebrating. This doesn't surprise me much. After all, all of their favorite people are going to die, starting tomorrow, except one.

Well, that's what they think.

I smirk to myself, that finally, _finally_, I will get my revenge. Something I have been striving for since the day my family died.

I don't regret anything I've done. Not yet, at least. I mean, there are many things I've done that I am uncertain if I should regret them or not. Do I regret defying the Capitol, despite the pain it caused? I don't know. I don't know. And I don't think I ever will. Maybe it'll take years, or a few days, or until I breathe in my last breaths for me to realize if I regret anything. And at that time, I will apologize to whomever I have hurt, for whatever I may have done. It will be one of the only times I have apologized, and will apologize, to anyone.

And it will be the only thing I will be positive about not regretting.

I lay down on my bed and pull the sheets up over my arms. It's a cold night, but I know that it can be considerably colder in the arena. Not that the cold bothers me much. But I still don't want to get sick before I have to save people's lives. Not the best strategy.

I am about to shut the light on my night table off when there is a knock on my door. _Who could possibly want to see me now?_

"Come in," I mumble. The door creaks open and Olive stands shyly in the doorway. "What're you doing here?"

She puts her hand in her pocket and pulls out a folded piece of paper. She hands it to me and I open it.

Good Luck.

I look back at her. Her face is as expressionless as a stone. This is not the Olive I know. The Olive I know wouldn't wear such an impassive expression in front of someone. But I guess she either a) doesn't want me to feel bad or b) is a completely different person. I'm going with b).

"Yeah," is all I say. She nods and purses her lips, then snatches the note from my hands. She looks like she is about to walk out of the room, but then she suddenly spins around and hugs me so tight I can't breathe. I'm about to push her off me when she springs off and looks at me like she just hugged a bed of needles. She is about to dart away when I grab her wrist. She looks at me, scared of what I might do.

"You know Olive," I say, "that no matter what you may do, I'm not going to hurt you." _Especially now _I want to say, but I think better of it.

I let go of her sleeve. She blinks at me, then awkwardly rubs her red-sleeved arm. I suddenly think back to the first time we met. It wasn't too long ago, but by now it seems like a lifetime ago.

* * *

It was the first day of the sixth grade. Like always, I sat by myself because I had no friends. No one wanted to hang out with me because I was always too shy and too boring and could never keep a simple conversation going. And, quite frankly, everybody else was completely retarded. I mean, I knew that I was a big fuck-up myself, but at least I had half a brain.

Everyone was at lunch, laughing and talking and eating and doing whatever little kids did while I quietly tried to quickly eat so I could go back to class early like I always did.

Someone sat next to me, but I ignored them, not even glancing their way. It was just another one of the retarded children.

"Hey," they whispered loudly in my ear. I looked at whoever was talking to me and saw a girl in a pink dress. She had curly white-blond hair and curious brown eyes. She smiled at me. "Why are you sitting alone?"

"I don't want anyone to sit with me," I said in a barely audible whisper.

"But I want to sit with you," she said. I didn't respond.

"I'm Olive," she said hastily. "I'm new here." She held out her hand for me to shake, but I just stared at it like it was a brick. She pulled back her hand when she saw that I wasn't going to acknowledge it. I turned around and tried to keep eating my sandwich when she spoke again. "What's your name?"

I ignored her.

"Please? I told you mine, so it's only fair that I know yours too."

I stayed silent.

She huffed like the little kid she was and crossed her arms over her chest. "Fine. Don't say anything." Flipping her curls over her shoulder, she walked back to her own table filled with her friends.

_Great. She hasn't even been here a day and she's already the most popular girl in school._

When lunch ended and everyone was back in class, we were given an assignment to do with a partner. When we had to do something like this, I would always ask to do it by myself and my teacher would always agree. So I walked up to her desk and asked her if I could work alone.

"Why don't you work with the new student?" she asked, pointing to the back where Olive sat, surprisingly all alone. I guessed none of her pretty little friends were in our class. But, no matter what, I did NOT want to work with her.

"She can't be _that_ bad," my teacher said, as if reading my mind.

Reluctantly, I agreed and trudged over to Olive.

"Hey," I mumbled, half shy and half annoyed.

Her head snapped up and she looked at me. She smiled. "Didn't think I'd see you here."

"I didn't plan it," I said irritably. "Look, we should do the project together. Okay?"

She smiled. "Yeah. Sounds good. You can come to my house after school."

"Fine," I said, and I walked away without another word. And for the first time in my life, I was dreading the end of the school day.

When the day ended, I packed my books and was about to walk out the door when someone tapped my shoulder. I glanced behind me to see Olive. What a shocker.

"Hi!" she said. Man, was that girl was perky.

"Let's just get this over with," I said quietly. Her smile faltered, but she swiftly grabbed my hand and started pulling me down a few blocks when we got to the more poor side of town, where I lived. We walked until we got to a house that looked just like all the other ones: small, dark colored, and not the most pleasant place to stay. Before I could protest, she dragged me through the door and sat me in a wooden chair.

"I'M HOME!" she said loudly.

"OKAY!" a woman yelled from somewhere in the house.

She pulled a seat up next to me and sat down, facing me. "Now will you tell me your name?"

I sighed. "Johanna."

She smiled. "I like it. It's unique." I only nodded.

"So... Do you have any sisters or brothers?" she asked.

"Aren't we supposed to work?" I said, losing patience.

"Please?" she asked, pouting.

I sighed. "A little sister."

"I have a little sister too," she said, excited that we had at least one thing in common. "She's blind, though."

"Oh," I said, not interested.

"Yeah. Her name is Amanda. I live with her and my mother. My father died before my mother had my sister. At least, that's what she told me. I don't believe her, though."

"Why not?" I asked.

"She didn't look like she was saying the truth," she said with a shrug. "There was probably something much more horrible about it for her to lie."

"She was probably saving you from getting caught up in things you should stay out of," I said reasonably.

She shrugged. "I guess you're right... Enough about me. What about you?"

We spent the rest of the afternoon talking and I found out that she was actually very smart and funny and kind. And when we finished the paper, we just starts hanging out regularly. Like friends.

But then, of course, the 71st Hunger Games put the rift in our friendship.

No matter how much time I spent with Olive, I never picked up her personality. I stayed shy and secluded, but was a little more open around Olive. And of course, I showed all of my love and affection to Hollis. I know that if her name was called at the reaping, I would have volunteered for her. Thank goodness she wasn't twelve yet.

But, to be perfectly honest, I didn't expect it to be _my_ name called.

"Johanna Mason," Ellie said her perfectly perfect Capitol accent. At first, I thought it was a dream, that if I willed myself enough, I would be able to wake myself. But no, I wasn't sleeping. I was wide awake.

Shakily, I advanced towards the stage. I was on autopilot, letting my body do what my mind should have been doing for it. My mind was a mix of worries and confusing things and blankness. I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and cry, but I could barely sort out all of the emotions I was feeling at the moment. All I could do was keep moving forward.

I somehow ended up on the stage next to Ellie. She was talking to me, but I couldn't hear anything or see anything or do anything or feel anything except feel a blinding amount of fear, all the while standing there.

My senses started to return when I heard Ellie's footsteps walk over to the boy's bowl. She picked out a slip, opened it, and read the name aloud.

"Jonas Pendant."

* * *

I suddenly snap out of my memory, not wanting to relive all of the pain. My eyes drift back to Olive who is just staring at me. She is looking at me strangely, like I am as hard as stone yet will shatter at any moment. This isn't a foreign look; I get it nearly all the time. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I appreciate it. I notice that her eyes are more focused on my hands. I look down on them and notice that I have been clutching them so hard that the nails have cut into my palms and my knuckles are about to split from the tension. I flex them and I feel the blood flow again, causing little pins and needles to prick at my skin.

"Sorry," I mutter. She nods.

She's about to leave when out of nowhere, I grip her sleeve and hug her.

I don't know why I am doing this and why I am not letting her go, but I just am. She seems alarmed at first, but then falls into the embrace. I can't remember the last time I hugged Olive. Well, yes I do. But I can't think about that right now.

Olive lets go of me first and looks me in the eye. She then stares at something on my face. Tentatively, she lifts her hand, rubs something off my cheek, and looks at me. Something flashes in her eyes, but I don't have any time to decipher it before she ducks out the door.

I realize that what I saw flash in her eyes was the same thing I saw flash in Thalia's eyes before she left. The urge to tell me something. But it wasn't the same look. She looked like she wanted to tell (well, write down) something that she was afraid to tell me, but she wasn't afraid of me neglecting it. She was afraid of me being angry about it.

I touch my hand to my cheek where she wiped my skin, and I know what she wiped away. It was something that I never had in a long time, even when I've had one of the most realistic nightmares, even when my family died.

It was a tear.

A small one, one that could easily be mistaken for perspiration, but a tear is a tear.

I silently curse myself and crawl into my bed, which may very well be the last bed that I go into. I try not to think about that. I turn out the lights and settle on the mattress. My mind fills with thoughts of what may await me in the arena, what I would need to be prepared for, who I would need to protect.

What friends I would lose.

Not like I'd care if they died or not, but still. A friend's a friend.

I just hope that the thing I regret is having the small amount of friends I have.

* * *

**Wow. So deep.**

**This chapter is probably one of the most profound/mysterious things I have ever written. And there are a whole lot of small/gigantic hints/foreshadowing clues in this chapter. Remember that.**

**Oh, and I actually went back and re-read the whole thing like five times and am 99.99% sure that there are no mistakes. I also ended up adding like 500 more words.**

**I know how this whole story should play out, so there shouldn't be too much delay for the next chapter. And beware: there will be bloody content.**

**Till next time,**

**Christina**

**P.S. Review? It would mean a lot to me.**


	7. Chapter 7

**This is gonna get sad. And bloody.**

**I actually considered ending the last chapter after the first nine paragraphs of this chapter, but I didn't want to be _too_ cruel.**

**And this is my favorite chapter so far. I don't know why. It really shouldn't be. You'll find out why.**

**Song: Untitled by Simple Plan**

**I don't own nothin (except Peeta. And Finnick. And some pretty legit turtles.)**

* * *

I wake up to somebody crying in pain.

My eyes fly open and I bolt straight up. It's still dark outside. _Who is that? _The person cries out again and I attempt to run out of my door, but end up running into my door. I jiggle the knob, only to find it locked. What? Somebody had the _fucking nerve_ to lock me inside of my own room! I try to slam my body against the door but all I do is hear something in my arm crack. I let out a frustrated scream.

There is another scream, but I notice that the scream is more of a gurgling sound. Like whoever is getting hurt isn't able to scream...

And I suddenly know exactly who is out there.

I put my eyes next to the crack in between the door and the doorframe, and sure enough, I see a group of Peacekeepers beating Olive, right there, outside of my door, in the hallway. My heart wrenches as they beat their clubs on her again. She lets out another gurgled shriek and for a fraction of a second, her eyes meet mine. And she looks at me pleadingly. Pleading me to get the Peacekeepers to stop or to end her life, I don't know. I don't know.

Suddenly, I feel a fiery adrenaline course through my veins and in one last attempt to help her, I slam my body against the door and manage to break the lock open. My shoulder now hurts like hell, but I don't care. Screaming, I throw myself on top of the Peacekeeper who is about to strike her again. Olive looks at me gratefully.

But then it happens so fast.

I get pulled off of the guard and get injected with sedative. I fight it off at first, kicking and screaming as I watch one of the Peacekeepers hold Olive down. Then the other one, the guy I tackled, throws his club against her skull with all of his strength.

And just before I black out, I see Olive's bashed brains smear on the floor.

* * *

I wake up groggily, my forehead throbbing in pain.

I sit up and notice that I am not in my room, but... in the launch room?

And suddenly all of the memories from last night come flowing back into my head.

Before I even have the chance to react, the door opens and Ruby walks in. She smiles, but for probably the first time, it doesn't reach her eyes. She sits down next to me, holding my outfit and a glass of ice water. I take the glass and drink thirstily. Then, as calmly as I can, I pull on my arena outfit. It is a blue jumpsuit that zippers up the front, along with a padded purple belt and nylon shoes with rubber soles. I figure that the arena is probably desert or ocean, based on what I'm wearing.

Finally, Ruby speaks. "So... I guess... this is it." She places a sympathetic hand on my shoulder. "It has been... nice knowing you Johanna. And I am... very sorry." She says it like I'm gonna die. Which is totally acceptable, since I probably am. And if not in that arena, I'll make sure that I do very soon after.

"You too," I say without meaning it much. I can't think about this Capitol-somewhat- sympathetic-hippy while Olive plagues my thoughts. I can't get the picture of her brains out of my head. That's sure going to haunt me for the rest of my life.

Suddenly, the door slams open and we both look up to see Thalia in the doorway. She's panting with a horrified look in her eyes. I stand up abruptly.

"What in the world-" Ruby starts.

"I don't have much time-" Thalia takes in a deep breath, caresses my cheek with her hand and gives me a smile mixed with different emotions. "I just want to say goodbye-"

Three Peacekeepers barge into the room and grip Thalia's arms. I am about to do something violent when two more come into the room. One of them holds me down and another pulls a flustered Ruby out of the room. Then one of the Peacekeepers- which I am almost positive is the same exact one who killed Olive last night- sticks his hand down her shirt. I kick the guy holding me down as hard as I possibly can and he lets go, only to grab me again. The Peacekeeper takes his hand out of her shirt and holds onto the end of a necklace I didn't even see her wearing before.

The Peacekeeper smirks. "Well well well. What do we have here?" He tauntingly waves the gold pendant in her face. I am so confused as to why they are doing this-

When I see it.

The gold mockingjay imprinted on the pendant.

Thalia looks distressed, but keeps her head up and doesn't say a word. The Peacekeepers laugh and one pulls a pair of manacles out. He clasps them around her wrists.

"Looks like we'll get to have a little fun," he says, pulling out his knife and placing it on her throat. Her eyes widen, but she doesn't say anything.

"NO!" I screech. But they just pull her out of the room. They're going to kill her.

The Peacekeeper that is holding me throws me into the wall and before I can get up, they close the door behind them. I run up to the door, but I find it locked.

"LET ME OUT!" I scream, repeatedly pounding my fists against the metal door. "LET ME OUT!" I try to ram the door open like I was able to last night, but no such luck. "FUCK YOU!"

I can suddenly hear a muffled shriek coming from outside. Thalia.

"NO!" I hear her scream. "DON'T-"

A scream of sheer terror.

And silence.

I slide down the door and onto the floor, unable to think any clear thoughts. Or breathe. Or talk. Or move.

I can't move.

I just sit there for a few seconds, trying to teach myself to function again. But I can't. I can barely process anything, except one thought.

"Dead," I say. The word sounds foreign on my tongue, even though I know very well that it isn't. "Dead. Now they're both dead."

Suddenly I can't breathe, like my windpipes have been blocked off by the guilt. Oh. Yay. It's that choking guilt again. The same guilt I felt at my family's funeral.

I suppose I should be bawling my eyes out, but no. I'm not. Because just like at my family's funeral, the pain is too great to be fully expressed with tears. And also, because I'm not very sad. In fact, I'm less sad than I should be.

I'm_ absolutely furious_.

The Capitol took away yet more people in my life, who, as much as I hate to admit it, actually meant something of great depth to me. And it's all because I was being stupid again and said those things at my interview. I remember last night that Thalia told me not to do anything stupid, but I already had. How can you make a promise to someone when you already broke it? You can't, at least, not without consequences. And look where that landed me. I can only imagine how Haymitch is doing right now.

I suck in a deep breath, just as the female voice in the speaker rings throughout the room.

"Sixty seconds."

_You can do this._

"Fifty seconds."

_Just do what you're supposed to do._

"Forty seconds."

_Keep them alive._

"Thirty seconds."

Shakily, I stand.

"Twenty seconds."

I take in a deep breath.

"Ten seconds."

I step into the launch tube.

The glass doors encase me and the plate starts to rise. The tube is dark for a minute, but when I look up, I see a blinding light. The plate rises higher and higher until I can see the arena.

Water. In every direction. I see that the Cornucopia is about forty yards away, on an island, surrounded by twelve strips of land. There are two tributes on their metal plates between each strip. Beyond the water, I can just barely make out a surrounding forest of dense greenery and a narrow beach. It's a good thing that I know how to swim. A lot of the other tributes probably aren't so lucky. In that sense.

"Ladies and gentlemen, let the 75th Hunger Games begin!" Claudius Templesmith, the announcer of the Hunger Games, booms through the speakers.

"Sixty seconds."

I remember the last time I was in this position. It was only five years ago. It feels like a lifetime.

"Fifty seconds."

I have a sick-looking Chaff on my right and- oh, looky here. A terrified Peeta on my left.

"Forty seconds."

Peeta glances over to me and eyes me warily. Chaff just sends me a nervous smile. I look around and can't see Katniss. She's probably blocked from my view by the Cornucopia. It makes sense; the Gamemakers would probably want to put as much distance between Peeta and Katniss as they could.

"Thirty seconds."

I notice that Beetee is about five plates away from my right and Wiress is three plates away from my left. At least they aren't too far.

"Twenty seconds."

Mags is next to Peeta on his right, so she will be able to at least watch him. Finnick is nine plates away from me, slightly blocked from my view by the Cornucopia. He'll be able to reach Katniss quickly.

"Ten."

And suddenly, I am more furious than I have ever been in my entire life.

"Nine."

For the past few years of my life, I have been angry at everyone.

"Eight."

But not like this.

"Seven."

In fact, I'm not really angry at anyone.

"Six."

I am angry at the Capitol.

"Five."

I act like I don't care about anyone.

"Four."

But deep deep down, I know that I care.

"Three."

Well, _cared_. There is no one left I love.

"Two."

The Capitol killed them all. And I didn't even know that I loved them.

Now I know.

I found out the hard way.

They _will_ pay.

"One."

_Let's do this shit._

I dive into the ocean and cut through the water smoothly. I start to glide across the water, as swiftly as my rusty skills will let me. The waves and distance cause me to go at a more delayed pace than I'd appreciate, and I'm not the best swimmer as is. But I'm good enough to prevent myself from drowning or lagging behind as another tribute's prey.

Eventually, I get to the closest strip of land I can reach and pull myself up. I sprint with all of my might to the Cornucopia, wringing a profuse amount of seawater from my clothing and hair. My eyes are on the lookout for my top priorities. One: Beetee and Wiress. Two: Blight. Three: That coil of wire Haymitch mentioned some time ago.

Four: Axes.

I see Wiress flailing in the saltwater, about twenty yards away, doing a pathetic imitation of the front crawl. I notice that her purple belt is keeping her above water, like a floatation device. I find some comfort in knowing that she isn't going to drown, but that quickly dissipates as soon as I see the drunk girl from Five wrap her frail arms around Wiress' throat. Going as fast as I possibly can, I find an axe, leap into the water, swim over to their flailing bodies, and axe the drunkie in the back. Her cannon booms and Wiress gasps for fresh air and looks at me in gratitude.

"Allies?" I ask, but I say it in more of a statement.

"Allies," she confirms. I grip her arm and pull her to the Cornucopia.

Everyone is starting to depart, but there are still a few bloody quarrels going on. I catch sight of Finnick, Mags, Peeta and Katniss crashing into the shrubbery and out of sight. Good. At least they're still alive.

Blight comes up to me, dragging a panting Beetee along with him. "Let's just get that coil and get the hell out of this place."

My eyes dart through the mouth of the horn when I find it. Beetee has too and he runs to go grab it when Cashmere jumps out from her hiding place and throws a knife at his back, grazing it deeply. Beetee howls in pain and falls. Wiress and Blight run over to him while I throw one of my axes after Cashmere's departing figure, hitting the wall of the horn instead. When I know that the Careers will leave us alone, I turn around and grab the coil.

"He'll live," Blight says, checking Beetee's back. "Let's just go."

I grip Wiress's wrist while Blight tugs Beetee up, careful not to hurt his newly bandaged back. We pick up some helpful weapons, and after I've gotten my fill of axes and knives, we set off into the forest.

* * *

We walk for hours.

The forest isn't really a forest, but more like a jungle. I know this because they used a jungle arena for one of the past games... Alto's, I think. But it was nothing onscreen compared to in real life. The ground is made up of some sort of squishy, black sand that feels like shit and the air is so humid I can hardly breathe. And the beating, ultra-violent sun does not help whatsoever. And don't you dare get me fucking started on Beetee and Wiress.

"Hurry up," I groan, having lost my furious thunder a long long time ago. Now I'm just fucking pissed off.

Beetee looks back up at us from the plant he was examining, sweat dripping down his temple. "Sorry." I glance over at Blight who has been dragging an almost unconscious Wiress for the past hour. She is very dehydrated, like the rest of us, but we have confirmed a while back that there is no drinkable water in this arena. Well, it's somewhere, but not in a place where we would think it would be.

I grip the golden coil of wire tighter and we continue walking. I start to wonder how Finnick is doing. _If he is still alive _a part of my brain says. But I know that he isn't dead. He can't be dead. This is _Finnick_ we're talking about. The guy who scored a ten in training, who can kill with his trident with his hands tied and his eyes closed. He doesn't give up easily. Like me.

Suddenly, I hear a cannon, signaling the end of the bloodbath. There are eight booms altogether. Just to think, we were all holding hands last night. So much for being friends.

"C-Can we stop here?" Blight asks, winded. He takes a deep breth. "I-I think we've gone far enough without water. And she's getting heavy." He gestures to Wiress who is weighing him down. I knew they'd be extra weight, but I didn't necessarily think about it along these lines.

"I think-" Beetee gasps for breath. "I agree. We should rest, or we will overexert ourselves." I roll my eyes, but agree for Blight's sake. And Beetee is right. We don't want to tire ourselves too much, before all of the real action happens.

We clear off the ground of most large stones and lay down plant leaves as resting mats. It isn't the most comfortable bed, but it is better than laying on an actual bed of bricks. After a few minutes of adjusting, we're all seated and comfortable enough.

"I'll take the first watch," I say, since I know that I'm the most awake out of everyone here. I also have a lot on my mind and I know that I won't be able to sleep for a long time. No one argues, which I am grateful for.

Wiress is out immediately, and soon I hear slowed breathing from both of the guys. I lean my back against a tree and look up into the sunset. It relaxes me a little, somewhat, not really. But it is nice. I remember Peeta telling me something about the sunset in the elevator. I think he mentioned it was his favorite color or something. Well, either way, it's nice. And I might've been able I enjoy it if I weren't here, knowing that I have killed, will kill, and will most likely be killed within a number of days. Nothing can soothe that uneasiness I'm feeling.

I don't know what the feeling is. My chest tightens slightly every time I breathe, my forehead throbs, my throat is dry, and I feel angry at everything. But the last part isn't new, and everything else is probably just from lack of water. But I can't help but wonder if it means that I'm going to cry. Nah, I've held off crying for so long, it's practically obsolete in my dictionary. To start crying now is like to start drowning after swallowing a glass of water. Not impossible, but extremely unlikely and uncalled for.

A few hours pass. The last of the sun's rays have fallen behind the trees and the anthem turns on. I look up to see that the first picture is of the male from five, so I know right away that Finnick and Mags are still alive, which floods a little relief through my veins. But that also means that we still have to deal with a full pack of the Careers.

The next face shown is the one of the girl from Five, which is the one that I killed, then the guy from Six, then Woof, Cecilia, both from Ten, and Seeder. Then the anthem ends and the sky goes black. That means Katniss and Peeta are still alive. That's good news.

I suddenly hear the sound of what seems to be a large bell. It's really loud, but distant, so Blight, Wiress and Beetee manage to sleep through it. The sound chimes twelve times before ending. _Huh. Strange. It's probably to tell everyone that it's midnight or something._ I lean my head against the trunk of the tree and relax a little, but not too much. I don't want to fall asleep. My grip on my axe tightens. I am ready.

"Johanna?"

I snap my head behind me to see Blight sitting up. "I can take watch now, if you want."

"I've only been up three hours," I say. "I can handle a few more."

"Fine," he says. "I'll watch with you." He positions himself next to me, gripping his own axe in his hand. He isn't as good as throwing axes as I can be, but he can hit someone where it counts.

We're quiet for a minute, the humid air enveloping us like the world's largest blanket. I can barely breathe, and my shitty throat isn't helping.

My mind drifts to Olive and Thalia, and I suddenly remember that Blight doesn't know about either. I should tell him, even though this probably isn't the place he'd want to be told. But do I really have a choice? I mean, I don't have to tell him, but he deserves to know. And I know that I don't like being kept in the dark about stuff, especially something as serious as this.

"Blight," I strain through my cracked lips. "I gotta tell you something."

"Me too," he says.

"No, this is important."

"This is too."

_What does he have to tell me?_

"Y-You first," he says.

"Fine," I say. I suck up a breath. "Thalia's dead." I don't look into his eyes, not really wanting to know what emotions I will see in them. "And Olive," I add hastily.

He doesn't say anything at first, and I'm worried that I made the wrong choice to tell him. But then he speaks. "Alto's dead too."

I wait for the words to register, but they don't. I don't feel any initial shock or pain or... anything, really. Just an empty, black hole. I know that I should care about this, but I don't. I guess I don't have any energy to care anymore, after everything that's happened today.

A part of me wants to ask how he died, and how Blight found out, but I hold my tongue. I don't think I want to know.

Suddenly, I feel something fall onto my head. It was very small, but I felt it. I look up, but I don't see anything. I just shake my head.

"What?" Blight asks.

"Nothin," I say.

But then I feel it again, except this time it lands on my collarbone. It is wet, but thick. A raindrop. Great.

It starts to drizzle slightly. In Seven, I loved the rain. Everything about it. The wet drops, the puddles, the sound of the falling drops, the lightening, the thunder, everything. I used to run or walk or just simply stanod, enjoying the feeling of the fresh wetness on my body, washing away all of my troubles. And if it was too bad for me to go out, I would always watch the rain through the window as it created a layer of cold most on the glass and listen to the sound of it hitting the roof. And I felt... protected. Even as the pine trees fell on nearby houses. Even as the lightening struck and created the most terrifying light you could have possibly seen in your entire life. Even after my Hunger Games. I still somehow managed to feel protected. At least a little.

But this rain doesn't feel the same.

Not like I expected to feel safe at all. In fact, I expected the opposite. But there's something wrong with this rain. It's just that I can't see what through the dark.

As if they knew what I was thinking, the clouds that were blocking the moon's light part so we can see.

And I see red.

What the...

My eyes immediately dart back to my collarbone, where the drop fell earlier, and I see...

Blood?


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm sorry about killing Thalia, Alto and Olive last chapter, but it had to be done. There has to be no one left she loves :P**

**But seriously. Sorry about that. And just as a warning, there is going to be a lot of other gore and depressing stuff coming up. I might even need to change the rating to M. I don't know, we'll see how it goes.**

**This chapter is about that fucking creepy blood rain...**

**Song: Human by Christina Perri**

**I'm not Suzanne Collins, therefore not the owner of THG. But I do own Peeta. And Finnick. And turtles. Don't forget the turtles.**

* * *

"What the..." I say.

Blight's eyebrows knit together. "What?"

"I-I don't think this is rain-"

And, as if on cue, the blood starts to pour, coming down in thick, hot sheets.

I hear Wiress scream, which is immediately replaced by a chocking, sputtering sound. Blight pulls me to my feet by my arm and starts to pull me forward. I don't try to break away from his grasp because I know that I would probably lose him or fall or do something else stupid like that. Someone else grips my wrist and I can just make out Beetee through the falling blood which is increasing at a rapid pace. He must've woken up. Well, no shit. Who the hell could sleep through something like this?

Now the red has taken over my vision and all I can see is red, even when I close my eyes. All that there is is red. A thick, nearly black blood red. And I can't see at all. Only red.

We stumble through the trees, tripping nearly every five seconds blindly. The only sound I hear is the thundering pounding of the rain as it crashes to the surface. Every time I try to speak I end up choking on a mouthful of blood. I want to somehow lead everyone away from the rain, into some sort of shelter, but I can't. All I can do is grip onto whomever I am holding and hope for the best. But I know that the rain won't stop unless one of us dies. If there is one thing I know about the Hunger Games, it is that no one leaves one of the Gamemaker's traps without having at least one person die.

After we take three more steps, someone trips and brings the four of us down. I end up hitting my head on a tree. I have no way of knowing if it is bleeding or not because my head is already covered in blood. I think that this is it, I'm going to die by drowning in blood that isn't even my own. That I'm going to die before I can even complete my mission. But someone, presumably Blight, pulls me up and we continue walking.

Gradually, the rain gets stronger. And stronger. And stronger. And I can't breathe. Or think. Or speak. Or see. But I can move. So that's all I do. Move forward, just to get somewhere, anywhere.

But eventually, the blood is falling down so heavily that I can't even move. I feel like my body is going to get crushed by the weight of the gallons of blood as they hit my body. I'm tripping through puddles of blood, which are now up to my shins. I have lost track of everyone, simply because I can't fucking see where they are. For all I know, they might've drowned a long time ago and I wouldn't even know.

My head is spinning and I sink to my knees, vomiting whatever food I had and all of the excess blood that I swallowed out of my system. I then lie in the blood and wait for something, anything, to happen. Whether it is for someone to help me or for me to get an adrenaline rush or for the rain to stop or for someone to die or for my own death, I don't know. I don't know.

Then I see the explosion.

It isn't a real explosion, more like a huge burst of sparks that is visible through all of the blood. Then someone's body flies out and hits the tree next to me. Someone hit the damn forcefield. My body quivering, I numbly crawl over to the tree. I notice that the rain starts to lessen slightly, slowly at first, then gradually disappearing. When the blood stops, I wipe the blood from the person's face.

It's Blight.

His cannon goes off.

I can't move.

Suddenly, someone crashes through the trees and I pull an axe from my belt, somewhat ready to slaughter my next victim in my current state. But I see that the person is Wiress, spinning in circles.

"Tick tock," she says when she sees me. She then bursts out laughing. I realize that she must've gone into shock. "Tick tock."

"NUTS, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!" I scream, not caring if anyone hears me. But she doesn't pay attention to me and just starts singing some song about a mouse and a clock while spinning in slow circles.

I moan out in pain and put my face in my hands. I can take a lot, but not too much. Even _I_ have a breaking point. But I'm no where near there. But I seem to be getting closer every fucking minute.

"The mouse ran up the clock," Wiress mumbles while rocking back and forth on her heels. I decide to go find Beetee. I stand up, only to fall again.

_C'mon Jo. Get your shit together. You have a job to do._

I stand up and wipe some of the blood off my face, though I'm pretty sure that the blood has filled my pores, crept underneath my skin, and stained my face a blood red permanently. I sigh and start to squeeze the blood out of my hair. The blood makes a splashing sound as it falls into a puddle. I shudder and head off to find Beetee.

It takes a while, but I finally find him, laying on the ground, his glasses crooked with the lens coated in blood. Like me, he has blood caked onto his skin. I tentatively put two fingers to his neck, and to my relief, find a pulse. But he's knocked unconscious and it's obvious that he isn't going to surface anytime soon. And his stabbed back isn't helping whatsoever. He probably was trying to move through the blood, but then his back got in the way and he couldn't move. I put both of my hands under his arms and try to lift him up, but my knees suddenly buckle and I collapse, face first into a blood puddle. I jerk my head back and vomit again.

_I'm shutting down._

I gasp for breath and wipe my mouth with the back of my bloody hand. My throat is dry, my head aches, my eyes feel glassy, and the back of my nose itches. I haven't felt so close to weeping in years.

_GET. YOUR. FUCKING. SHIT. TOGETHER._

Mentally, I punch myself and I stand up. I'm a little wobbly at first, but then will my knees to support my weight. I look down at Beetee's unconscious body and feel that fiery adrenaline course through my veins again. I remember my purpose here: to save Katniss and Peeta. But my own purpose is to get my revenge against the Capitol. I have the opportunity at my fingertips, and I'm letting slip away. And that can NOT happen.

"Wiress," I say through gritted teeth. "Come here."

She just keeps turning in her lopsided circles, acting as if nothing exists but her. I hear Beetee moan something and I look at him. I lean down to hear him better.

"Coil."

The coil of wire. Quickly, I set Beetee down and run back up the hill (the two disabled people in my point of view) and find the coil, now drenched with blood. I lift it up and head back down the hill. Then I lift Beetee so he is resting on my back and I am supporting him. I then grab hold of Wiress' wrist with one hand and grab Beetee's coil with the other.

It is still dark, but I am able to see, despite the tinge of red that distorts my vision in a creepy way. I consider taking a nap, knowing that it would be extremely relieving and would help me regain my strength which seems to have washed away in the blood. But then someone could easily kill the four-

Oh, uh, _three_-

of us, and I can't take my risk. I can't. So I try to think of the safest place to go. Well, apparently the jungle didn't work, and there isn't anywhere else to go except- the beach! It may not conceal us, but it is better than nearly getting killed by falling blood. So, I take a deep breath, straighten up, and start to walk down the hill to the beach.

_I can do this._

* * *

Countless numbers of hours pass. Beetee hasn't woken up yet and Wiress is still in shock. I can feel myself losing my grip on my sanity. But I won't let it go. I won't. I refuse, no matter how easy it may be.

I sit down and set the two of them and the not-so-golden coil of wire down. Wiress is repeating 'tick tick' for the fiftybillionth time and Beetee starts to stirr. I sigh in relief. Good. He'll live. For now. Wiress, on the other hand, I might just kill her myself. I swear, she is driving the fucking sanity out of me.

"Tick tock," she says. She then bursts into a series of giggles. I bite my tongue, pick up my axe, and glance around in the trees for something to eat. At first, I think that there is nothing, that we will starve, until I see a a large ugly rat thing scurry by my feet. I throw my axe at it and it slumps to the ground, blood leaking out of its back. Blood. I feel sick, but I swallow the bile.

I pick up the rat thing and study it. I want to ask Beetee if it's edible or not, but he won't give me a good answer in his current state. And a fire would surly alert everyone of where we are. So, after I gut and skin the thing, I take a deep breath, and through a burst of courage, bite into the raw meat. It is the most horrendous thing I have tasted in my entire life and I can barely keep it down, but hey. Food's food. You either eat it and live or don't and die. That's just how the world works.

"Tick tock," Wiress giggles. I sigh, grab a vine, tie the rest of the rat thingy to my belt, grab Beetee and Wiress, pick up the wire, and start to walk again.

An hour passes. Beetee passes out again and Wiress' tick-tocking seems to be better louder and louder and louder. All I can do is suck it up, spit it out, and stroll along while tightening the death-grip on the handle of my axe.

"Tick tock. Tick tock," says Wiress, AGAIN. I inhale deeply through my nose and drag them along more quickly. It takes all I've got not to slap her.

We walk a little farther and I try to determine how much longer it will take to get to the beach. I pause a minute and untie the rat thingy from my belt. I manage to eat the rest of the carcass and feel a prickly shiver run down my back. I just sigh and keep moving.

A few minutes later, I wipe some sweat off my forehead and sigh. I've been walking all day and right now I can barely function. Not to mention how hard it is to move with the blood covering me. Now it is starting to dry and is making me sticky and stiff. I hope we find the beach soon so I can take a well needed bath.

And as if the heavens heard my prayer, I see it.

The beach.

_Finally_.

Hurridly, I tug Beetee and Wiress along. I nearly fall down the hill in the rush and go a little slower. The white sand and the crystal blue water becomes clearer, but it is still tinted with red from my vision. When I come to the clearing, I crash through the trees and stagger onto the beach. Wiress squeals and keeps spinning while Beetee collapses on the sand. I just take a deep breath and breathe in the salty air. I'm about to go out into the water when I hear my name.

"Johanna!"

I'd know that voice anywhere. I spin around, some still wet blood drippings flying off my body. And sure enough, I see him barreling towards me. "Finnick!"

He runs up to me and hugs me, getting blood all over himself and some disgusting shit all over me. He pulls away and I see that he looks repulsive. He's covered in some sort of greenish-gray cream that smells like District Seven would after a tar explosion. And he isn't wearing his arena outfit anymore. Just his underclothes.

"Now, if you don't mind me asking," he says, "what the hell _happened_ to you?"

I sigh. "We were deep in the jungle, where we thought it would be safe," I start. I see Katniss and Peeta starting towards us, but no Mags. They must've lost her... "Blight I were on watch. And I felt a drop on my shoulder." By now, Peeta and Katniss have joined us. They look just as gruesome as Finnick. "We thought it was rain, you know, because of the lightning, and we were all so thirsty. But when it started coming down, it turned out to be blood. Thick, hot blood. You couldn't see, you couldn't speak without getting a mouthful. We just staggered around, trying to get out of it." I gulp slightly, knowing what was coming next. "That's when Blight hit the force field."

"I'm sorry, Johanna," says Finnick.

"Yeah, well, he wasn't much, but he was from home," I say. I want to change the subject off dead people. "And he left me alone with these two." I nudge a barely conscious Beetee with my shoe. "He got a knife in the back at the Cornucopia. And her-" I point to Wiress, who's circling around, coated in dried blood, and murmuring, "Tick, tock. Tick, tock."

"Yeah, we know. Tick, tock. Nuts is in shock," I say. She suddenly walks over to me and starts to circle me. That's it. I've had enough. I harshly shove her down onto the sand. "Just stay down, will you?"

"Lay off her," Katniss says offensively.

My eyes immediately dart onto her and I glare at her. "Lay off her?" She did _not_ just say that. Before I can even control myself, everything I have been holding in since this morning, explodes. I step up to her and slap her across the face with all my strength. "Who do you think got them out of that bleeding jungle for you?! You-" Before shit can go down, Finnick tosses me over his shoulder. I start to scream like a child and pound my fists on his back, but he just keeps walking. He gets to the water and dunks my head under.

After a little less than a minute, he lets me get air and I come up, sputtering. I look at Katniss who looks confused and angry but has a look of amusement on her face as she looks at me while whispering to Peeta. "You're a bi-!" I start to scream at her before Finnick dunks me again.

This goes on. And on. And on. And on. Only when I can barely move without seeing stars does Finnick set me down on the sand. He kneels down so he is eye-level with me.

"Johanna," he says like he's scolding a four-year-old. "You know that you aren't supposed to kill her. You're supposed to gain her trust, not throw it away. Haymitch's orders."

I roll my eyes and cross my arms over my chest. "Fine," I mutter. "But I'll only tolerate her. Don't expect us to become besties or something."

"Fine," says Finnick. He helps me to my feet and I go out into the sea to wash the blood off my body.

When I am about knee deep in the water, I see Katniss washing the blood out of Wiress' hair, which is now trickling down her face in watery, red streaks. I huff and start to wash myself. I have to tear chunks of blood off of my skin, which is just about as painful as it sounds. When I am done, my whole body is sore, but it is clean. After washing and rinsing myself off a few more times, I head back to shore where everyone is sitting together, waiting for my arrival. I see that Katniss and Peeta did a pretty good job in washing the blood off of Nuts and Volts. Nuts is drawing a clock in the sand with her finger and Volts is still unconscious, so it is just Finnick, Peeta, Katniss and I.

"Here," Peeta says, handing me a shell. I am about to ask him why the hell I would want a fucking shell, but then I notice that it is filled with water.

"Wha... How did you get this?" I ask.

"The trees have water in them," Katniss explains. "We got a spile from Haymitch and we put two and two together."

"Oh," is all I say. Luckies. I don't even have a mentor to send me stuff. They're both dead.

None of us talk at first. Finnick gives me some shellfish, which I gratefully accept. I stuff myself until I'm full. After all, I threw my guts up and the only thing that is in my stomach is a disgusting raw rat thingy which, against all odds, I've managed to keep down. When I finish, I look at them expectantly. "All right," I say. "Spill. I told you what happened to me. What the hell happened to you guys?"

"Some sort of poisonous fog," Finnick says grimly. "It hurt like hell when it touched you and left some nasty blisters. And it made your body twitch violently." He pauses, as if he is determining whether or not he should tell me something. He decides not to. "We eventually got out, and we washed the poison out with the salt water."

"Oh," I say.

"There's more," he says. "Then, about a half an hour later, these giant, vicious, monkey mutts attacked us. One almost got Peeta until the morphling from Six came along and took a bite in the throat for him." I look over at Peeta who's just looking at his hands. "Then we got to the beach, and the monkeys stopped attacking us. We have been here ever since."

I glance over to Katniss and Peeta. They are both looking guiltily at their hands. I get why Peeta is looking guilty, but Katniss... huh. But I can assume she is also responsible for taking someone's life. And I can make a pretty good guess as to who.

"It's getting late," Peeta says, breaking the silence. "We should get some rest. I can take first watch."

"Tick tock," Wiress suddenly says. She swipes her hand over her drawing of a clock, erasing it.

"I'd rather do it," I say. I don't think I can sleep. But then I realize that I haven't slept in over twenty-four hours. I'm not tired, though.

"No," Katniss says, looking at me like she doesn't trust me. Ouch. "I'll do it."

"I can too," Finnick says. And so we start to bicker on and on and on about who should sleep and who should stay up. Eventually, we all agree for Katniss and I to stay awake while the boys sleep.

Once everyone is settled, Finnick, Peeta, Nuts and Volts resting and my axe in my hand, I glance over to Katniss. She is leaning against a tree, running a hand along her bow. Her hair is falling out of her signature braid, falling in dark brown wisps in her face. She has her mockingjay pin pinned onto the strap of her shirt. She looks like a normal seventeen-year-old for once, not some Capitol-made pawn that everyone else is.

She really reminds me of myself when I was her age for so many reasons. I mean, for starters, she has a little sister. Also, she is defying the Capitol. She may not know that she is, at least to its full extent, but she still is. She even looks like I did, somewhat. Hell, if I was seventeen and had a braid, a bow, a pin and a Peeta, I could easily be mistaken as her.

I suddenly remember how she was acting guilty earlier, and I want to see if my assumptions are true. I glance behind me to Finnick, and sure enough, he's sleeping like a baby, hugging his trident like it's a teddy bear. I look back at her and see her looking at me. "How'd you lose Mags?"

Her face falls and she looks back at her bow. "In the fog. Finnick had Peeta. I had Mags for a while. Then I couldn't lift her. Finnick said he couldn't take them both. She kissed him and walked right into the poison."

I knew it. But I can't help but feel a pang of sadness. After all, Mags was a good friend of mine. And I assumed that she would've lasted longer than a day. Apparently, I was wrong. "She was Finnick's mentor, you know," I say somewhat accusingly.

"No, I didn't," she says, looking guiltier.

We stay quiet for a few minutes. "She was half his family," I say, a little nicer.

We watch the water lap up onto the shore peacefully. "So what were you doing with Nuts and Volts?" she asks.

"I told you- I got them for you. Haymitch said if we were to be allies I had to bring them to you," I say. "That's what you told him, right?"

"Thanks," she says. Wow. That's the first time she's ever thanked me. Hell, it's the first time I've ever heard her thank _anyone_. "I appreciate it."

"I hope so," I say. She looks at me in an almost sheepish way, then goes back to staring at her bow.

"Tick, tock," I hear behind me. Sweet Jesus no. I though we got rid of that. I turn and, sure enough, see Wiress has woken up. Joy.

"Oh, goody, she's back," I say. Cough cough note the sarcasm. "Okay, I'm going to sleep. You and Nuts can guard together," I say. I stand and fling myself down beside Finnick. I feel my eyelids get heavy really fast. The last thing I hear before I am out is Wiress' tick-tocking and Katniss' soothing words.

I think that I give her less credit than she deserves. After all, she has done some pretty amazing things. Like that whole 'starting a rebellion' thing. That takes a considerably large amount of skill to achieve. And she's just a girl. Sure, I was more violent when I was her age, but she's stronger than she should be. She's willing to die at such a young age just so a boy she's only dated for a year can live. She's killed a decent amount of people or is responsible for their deaths. She's knocked up. Hell, she's started a rebellion for god's sake. But under that, any decent person can see that she's terrified. For herself or for those who she loves, I don't know.

But if I had to guess, I'd say both.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi...**

**I just freaking saw Divergent and I am still dying. It was sooooo good! I mean, yeah, they left out a bunch of stuff and messed up some stuff, but overall, I have to say that I'm impressed with how well it was done. Now if only Mockingjay pt1 would come out soon...**

**IMPORTANT: I went back and re-posted the first three chapters, all edited. And I added a long conversation between Johanna and Peeta during training, which you should read. There may be parts that refer back to that conversation, so it would make things less confusing.**

**ALSO IMPORTANT: Rating changed to M for a few reasons:**

**1) Future content (no sex, I don't do that. But there is some reaaalllly bad stuff coming up...)**

**2) Language (I don't think I have to explain that)**

**3) Blood (it gets disgusting...)**

**4) Stuff in this chapter... (It's not that bad, but I think that it's M worthy. If not, better to be safe than sorry)**

**Anyway, this chapter is about the whole clock-arena thing, and some other important stuff...**

**Song: Manhatten by Sara Bareilles**

**I don't own nothin. Except for all that... stuff (I'm tired, okay?).**

* * *

"Get up," Katniss says, shaking us awake. "Get up- we have to move."

Eventually I hear everyone sit up. At first I refuse to wake, still groggy from my limited sleep. But I give in and sit up, scratching some sand from my still damp hair.

"All right," Finnick says, stabbing the end of his trident into the sand. "Why are we up?" We all train our eyes on Katniss.

She tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Wiress figured it out. The arena's a clock."

_What?_

"What?" Peeta asks. _My thoughts exactly._

Katniss points to the Cornucopia. "That's the middle. And between each strip of land is a wedge. Like the wedge between each hour on a clock. And at every hour, another wedge has a new horror."

It takes me a minute to process what she said. And when I do, I come to the conclusion that she is nuts too. "Seems somewhat far fetched, don't you think?"

"I think she's right," Peeta says. "That tree where the lightning strikes happens at noon and midnight, twelve times."

"You're right," Finnick says, amazed. "Wiress, you're a genius."

Everyone looks at me expectantly and I sigh. "Fine. Better to be safe than sorry."

Finnick and I gather up all of our weapons while Peeta gets Beetee back into his jumpsuit. Katniss crawls over to Wiress and wakes her up. She sits up abruptly.

"Tick tock!" she shrieks.

"Yes, tick, tock, the arena's a clock. It's a clock, Wiress, you were right," Katniss says. "You were right."

Wiress looks relieved that she is understood. "Midnight."

"It starts at midnight," Katniss says. I can't believe that she could understand Nuts. I mean... she's called Nuts for a reason. I guess they've both gone nuts.

Wiress gestures towards the blood rain. "One-thirty," she says.

"Exactly. One-thirty. And at two, a terrible poisonous fog begins there," Katniss says, pointing to the jungle. "So we have to move somewhere safe now." Nuts smiles and stands up. I look over to Finnick and Peeta to see if they were listening too, but they're too busy dressing Beetee who seems to finally be awake. Not fully alert, but awake. I just sigh and start to wipe some sand off of my axe.

When they're done dressing him, Peeta tries to lift Beetee but he objects. "Wire," he says.

"She's right here," Peeta tells him. "Wiress is fine. She's coming, too."

"Wire," he insists. _Oh. That coil. I completely forgot._

"Oh, I know what he wants," I say. I cross the beach and pick up the coil of wire. "This worthless thing. It's some kind of wire or something. That's how he got cut. Running up to the Cornucopia to get this. I don't know what kind of weapon it's supposed to be. I guess you could pull off a piece and use it as a garrote or something. But really, can you imagine Beetee garroting somebody?" I know what is really used for. It's used to make the forcefield blow up. But I have to make it look like I am clueless.

"He won his Games with wire," Peeta says. "Setting up that electrical trap. It's the best weapon he could have."

"Seems like you'd have figured that out," Katniss says. There's something accusing on her voice. "Since you nicknamed him Volts and all."

I narrow my eyes at her. "Yeah, that was really stupid of me, wasn't it?" I say. "I guess I must have been distracted by keeping your little friends alive. While you were... what, again? Getting Mags killed off?"

Her fingers tighten on the knife handle in her belt and I know that I hit her hard. I feel a sense of accomplishment in doing so.

"Go ahead. Try it. I don't care if you are knocked up, I'll rip your throat out," I say threateningly. She seems to ponder whether or not she should kill me.

"Maybe we all had better be careful where we step," says Finnick, shooting Katniss a warning look. He takes the coil and sets it on Beetee's chest. "There's your wire, Volts. Watch where you plug it."

Peeta picks Beetee up. "Where to?"

"I'd like to go to the Cornucopia and watch. Just to make sure we're right about the clock," Finnick says.

"Sounds good to me," I say. I'm still a little wary about this whole clock thing, no matter how ingenious it is. Plus I could use another good axe.

We walk down the nearest sand strip, trying to stay quiet, just in case the Careers are hiding. I doubt they are, though. We've been on the beach for hours and no one's attacked us yet. We get to the Cornucopia and sure enough, find it deserted. Peeta lays Beetee in the bit of shade the Cornucopia provides and calls out to Wiress. She crouches beside him and he puts the coil of wire in her hands. "Clean it, will you?" he asks.

Wiress nods and goes over to the water's edge, where she dunks the coil in the water. She starts quietly singing that fucking clock song again.

"Oh, not the song again," I say, rolling my eyes. "That went on for hours before she started tick-tocking."

Suddenly Wiress stands up very straight and points to the jungle. "Two," she says. Katniss looks over to where she is pointing. I see that a wall of some sort of misty fog has started to seep into the beach. The poisonous fog that took Mags.

"Yes, look, Wiress is right," Katniss says. "It's two o'clock and the fog has started."

"Like clockwork," says Peeta. "You were very smart to figure that out, Wiress." She smiles and goes back to singing and dunking her coil.

"Oh, she's more than smart," Beetee says. "She's intuitive." We all turn to look at Beetee, who seems to be coming back to life. God, about time. "She can sense things before anyone else. Like a canary in one of your coal mines."

"What's that?" Finnick asks Katniss.

"It's a bird that we take down into the mines to warn us if there's bad air," Katniss says.

"What's it do, die?" I ask.

"It stops singing first. That's when you should get out. But if the air's too bad, it dies, yes. And so do you." Wow. That's just swell now, isn't it?

I start to rummage through the weapons. There are a whole lot of knives, tridents, awls, spears, bows, darts, slingshots, swords, and so on. Finally, I reach the axes. I grab two that are extra sharp and shimmer in the sunlight. I smile sadistically and throw one with all my might. It sticks into the wall of the Cornucopia. It feels good to throw axes again.

After I retrieve my axe, I look over to Peeta and see, Katniss sitting next to him. They're looking at what I notice is a diagram of the arena, marking which wedges to stay out of during each hour.

Finnick walks over to me. "How are you?"

"Fine, I guess," I say. He nods and we look back to Peeta and Katniss.

"Yesterday, before the fog, Peeta's heart stopped," Finnick says after a moment.

I turn to him. "Wait, what?"

"It was when we were running from the bloodbath. Peeta was the lead, cutting the vines away to clear a path with his sword. Then Katniss screamed just before Peeta threw his sword into the forcefield. He was thrown back into a tree and his heart wasn't beating. She started flipping out and, of course, I came to the rescue." He flexes his muscles. God. No matter where we are, Finnick will always be a cocky dick. "Anyways, I did mouth-to-mouth and started his heart again. Which is no surprise, since I always succeed." If he wasn't my friend, I probably would've axed that smirk off of his face a long time ago.

"Bravo," I say. "But why are you telling me this?"

He grows serious. "She was scared shitless. When he started breathing again, she could _not_ stop crying. If you saw her face, there would be no doubt in you mind that she is in love with him."

"Finnick," I say like I am talking to a four-year-old. "How do you think that-" I gesture to her stomach, "_that_ happened?"

He makes a face. "Think about it. If anyone should understand it the best, it's you and I."

_What is he talking about?_

"What are you talking about Finnick?" I say, annoyed.

"You aren't a stupid girl, Jo." He starts rummaging through some of the other weapons. "You can figure it out."

What do we all have in common? Well, we're all victors. But that doesn't help. I guess Finnick sees something beyond that... But what?

I think about what Finnick and I would have to do with them being in love. Finnick is obviously seeing something that I am not. What would their love have to do with us? Well, they are obviously in love now, but they weren't before. Before it was all a show. For the Capitol.

Wait.

The _Capitol_.

And then, I don't even know how I do it, but I put two and two together.

"You... You think Snow..." I say, unable to complete my thoughts.

"Yes," he says. "I think this was forced."

It all makes sense. Finnick used to have to sleep with Capitol people. I refused to and was punished. But Katniss and Peeta aren't as stupid as me. They know that they need to do what the Capitol says to protect their loved ones. And since they're the star-crossed lovers, no one would dare separate them in such a way, so they must've had to do it together...

"Oh my god," I say, unable to say anything else.

"I know," Finnick says despairingly.

"But-But they're seventeen!" I say in a harsh whisper.

"So was I," he says. "And you were too when he made the offer."

I am dumbfounded. How did Finnick see that before me? I guess I am more stupid than I thought I was.

"C'mon," Finnick says quietly. We walk over to Katniss and Peeta who are carefully filling in the blueprint of the arena.

"Did you notice anything unusual in the others?" Katniss asks Beetee and I when we arrive. I see that they've filled in the lightning, blood, fog, monkeys, and wave.

"Blood," I respond. "A lot of blood."

Katniss sighs. "I guess they could hold anything."

"I'm going to mark the ones where we know the Gamemakers' weapon follows us out past the jungle, so we'll stay clear of those," Peeta says, drawing diagonal lines on the fog and wave beaches. "Well, it's a lot more than we knew this morning, anyway."

We all nod in agreement. Suddenly Katniss spins around and her eyes go wide. I follow her gaze and see a deranged-looking Gloss drop a slitted-throat Wiress on the ground. Katniss spares no time and shoots him through the temple. I turn and see Cashmere coming towards me. I bury my axe in her chest and she slumps to the ground, dead. Finnick protects Peeta from Brutus' spear and Enobaria buries her knife in his thigh. I am about to axe her when they duck behind the Cornucopia.

The cannon booms three times. Wiress. Gloss. Cashmere. Gone. All gone. And I don't feel anything. Except some disgusting sense of relief.

We all run after Brutus and Enobaria. I take the lead, running as fast as I can. I gain speed and I can nearly graze her hair with the tip of my axe...

When the ground violently jerks from beneath my feet.

I'm flung down beside Katniss. The circle of land that holds the Cornucopia starts spinning fast, really fast, and all I can see of the world is one big blur. Katniss looks like she is about to fly out into the water when I hold fast to her wrist. But my grip can only be so strong, and when she starts slipping from my grasp I can't do anything but scream. She is flung into the water, out of sight. I squeeze my eyes shut, just waiting for the spinning to end.

Coughing and nauseous, I sit up and rub the sand from my hair. I crawl over to the edge of the island and look into the blue water, desperately searching for Katniss. When I am about to dive in to dish her out, I see her hand shoot up yhrough the water and her head pops up. She spits out some water and I offer her my arm, which she gladly accepts, and I start to pull her up. Peeta is by my side in a second, helping me. She gets up and falls into his arms.

"You okay?" he asks worriedly. She just nods, still catching her breath. I look around. Katniss, Peeta and Finnick are here, but I think we're missing someone...

"Where's Volts?" I suddenly ask. We all look around.

"There," Finnick says, pointing to him about twenty yards out in the water, barely keeping afloat. He dives in and swims out to haul him in.

"Cover me," Katniss says suddenly. She tosses aside her weapons and runs down the strip closest to Wiress' body. Then I see that Wiress is still clutching the coil of wire.

"God damn it, she's going out to get the wire," I tell Peeta. Finnick has dragged Beetee's lifeless body onto the sand and is trying to revive him.

"The hovercraft's coming," Peeta says, pointing towards the sky.

"She better hurry," I say, just as the claw starts to descend on Wiress' body. Katniss doesn't stop and just keeps swimming until she slams into Wiress' body. She comes up for air, gasping, swallowing the blood-stained water. Just the thought of being near blood now makes my hair stand on end. Katniss has to wrench the coil of wire free from her fingers, since her final grip on it is so tight. Then she closes her eyelids, whispers goodbye, and swims towards us just as the hovercraft picks the body up.

By now Finnick's has brought Volts back from the dead, although a little waterlogged, sitting up and snorting out water. Katniss places the wire in his lap, which is now blood-free. He unravels a piece of the wire and runs it through his fingers. I can tell by the glint in his eyes that he is thinking of Wiress. Katniss looks at Finnick, Beetee and I somberly, then crosses over to Peeta and wraps her arms around him. For a while we all stay silent.

Three of us died within what couldn't have been longer than five minutes. Now we have all lost our District partners, our good friends, except for Enobaria and Brutus (which I hope to change very soon) and Peeta and Katniss (for obvious reasons). I take this moment to dwell on all of the deaths that have happened in these past few days. Damn it. I'm getting soft.

"Let's get off this stinking island," I suddenly say, just wanting to get back to killing people. Finnick strips off his undershirt and ties it around the wound Enobaria's knife made in his thigh. Thankfully, it isn't deep.

"I think I can walk now," Beetee says. "As long as we go slowly."

"Good," Katniss says, helping him up.

"So... Where to?" Finnick asks.

"Let's go to the beach at twelve o'clock," Beetee says. "That should provide hours of calm and keep us clear of any poisonous residue."

"Sounds good," I say. "Let's go." We all start walking, but then I notice that we're going in different directions.

"Twelve o'clock, right?" says Peeta. "The tail points at twelve."

"Before they spun us," Finnick says. "I was judging by the sun."

"The sun only tells you it's going on four, Finnick," Katniss corrects.

"I think Katniss's point is, knowing the time doesn't mean you necessarily know where four is on the clock. You might have a general idea of the direction. Unless you consider that they may have shifted the outer ring of jungle as well," Beetee says.

She nods. "Yes, so any one of these paths could lead to twelve o'clock."

We circle around the Cornucopia, and I come to the conclusion that it is hopeless. Every single section looks exactly the same. There is no visible difference from this far out.

"I think that we should follow Enobaria and Brutus' tracks," I say. But after looking around, I notice that thy must've been blown or washed away. There's no way to tell where anything is.

"I should have never mentioned the clock," Katniss says bitterly. "Now they've taken that advantage away as well."

"Only temporarily," says Beetee. "At ten, we'll see the wave again and be back on track."

"Yes, they can't redesign the whole arena," Peeta says.

"It doesn't matter," I groan, getting on edge. "You had to tell us or we never would have moved our camp in the first place, brainless." She seems relieved by my response. She's a strange one, that girl. "Come on, I need water. Anyone have a good gut feeling?"

We randomly choose a path and take it, having no idea what number we're headed for. When we reach the jungle, we scrutinize it, trying to decipher what horrors lay ahead.

"Well, it must be monkey hour. And I don't see any of them in there," says Peeta. "I'm going to try to tap a tree."

"No, it's my turn," Finnick says like a two-year-old.

"I'll at least watch your back," Peeta says.

"Katniss can do that," I say. "We need you to make another map. The other washed away." I yank a large leaf off a tree and hand it to him. Katniss eyes me suspiciously. Then a sense of realization crosses her face and I wonder what she is thinking about.

"Katniss, got that spile?" Finnick asks, snapping her back to reality. She cuts the vine that ties the spile to her belt and holds the metal tube out to him.

And that's when we hear the scream.

It is the most frightened scream I have ever heard in my entire life. I have to hunch over and cover my ears to prevent me from going deaf.

"PRIM!" Katniss shrieks. She immediately drops the spile on the sand and darts off into the trees.

"Katniss, wait!" Finnick cries. He runs after her with Peeta not too far behind. I take off following them. I can't see Katniss anymore and Finnick is far ahead already. Peeta can't run fast because of his prosthetic leg and Beetee has his back, so I linger behind to make sure that they stay safe. Finnick can help Katniss on his own. Right? At least until we catch up.

We eventually lose sight of Finnick and we start to run faster. And faster. And faster. And faster.

And then we run into the wall.

It's transparent, and it isn't a forcefield. If it was, we would be dead. It's just to block us from getting to them. I shake off my numb arm and stand up. Peeta stands and starts banging on the wall. I try throwing my axe into it, but it just ricochets off the surface and hits a nearby tree.

And that's when we see them.

Jabberjays.

Hundreds of thousands of them, shrieking and crying and screeching and cawing in such piercing screams that even the soundproof barrier can't block it out entirely. Yes, it is muffled, but that doesn't mean you don't understand how loud it is. Finnick and Katniss crash through the greenery and start running towards us with such crazed and horrific looks in their eyes that I don't even know how to react. Then I realize they are going to run right into the barrier.

"No! Stop!" Peeta and I cry, shaking our heads and waving our hands. They don't understand what we are saying and smack right into the wall. Katniss hits her shoulder and Finnick's nose starts to bleed. Katniss sits up immediately, her eyes dilated with an intense amount of fear.

"We have to get them out!" Peeta cries, turning towards Beetee for help. But Beetee just shakes his head.

"All we can do is wait for the hour to pass," he says solemnly. He doesn't like that they are suffering such intense pain while we are safe as much as I do.

Peeta slowly turns to meet Katniss and presses his hand against the surface. She puts her own up to meet it, as if they are touching. Thats as close as they are going to get for the next half an hour. I look at them, and I am overcome with the realization of how much they depend on each other. In this horrific time, this time of change and torture and fear, they need each other to survive. If one of them is without the other, god forbid, then I can't imagine anything more devastating. Nothing.

"It's all right Katniss," he whispers. "It's not real. The voices aren't real. They're just meant to hurt you. That's all they want to do. They want to hurt you." She doesn't seem to hear him, but just staring at his lips seems to calm her down slightly. Slightly.

But then, ever so slowly, her eyes become more distant, and I know that she is losing her grip on reality. Peeta's words get louder, trying to keep her calm, but it doesn't work. Eventually he starts screaming.

"IT'S NOT REAL!" he screams. The look in his eye is almost as crazy as hers. I feel my heart wrench. She removes her hand from the wall, covers her ears, curls up on a ball on the floor, squeezes her eyes shut, and screams at the top of her lungs. By now, Finnick has already given up, curled up on the floor with his hands over his ears.

And then, pain the blink of an eye, it's all gone.

It's dead silent. Peeta waves his hand through where the wall used to be, only to find air. Then he darts over to Katniss and hugs her trembling frame so tight that he might just suffocate her. I crawl over to Finnick and place my hand on his bronze waves.

"Finnick?" I whisper. "Are you okay?" He only nods, as pale as a ghost. I gently help him sit up and try to remove his hands from his ears, but he refuses. I let him keep them there. For his own sake.

"It's all right, Katniss," Peeta whispers to her.

"You didn't hear them," she murmurs.

"I heard Prim. Right in the beginning. But it wasn't her," he says. "It was a jabberjay."

"It was her. Somewhere," she says, utterly unconvinced. "The jabberjay just recorded it."

"No, that's what they want you to think," he says. "The same way I wondered if Glimmer's eyes were in that mutt last year. But those weren't Glimmer's eyes. And that wasn't Prim's voice. Or if it was, they took it from an interview or something and distorted the sound. Made it say whatever she was saying."

"No, they were torturing her," Katniss answer. "She's probably dead."

"Katniss, Prim isn't dead. How could they kill Prim? We're almost down to the final eight of us. And what happens then?" Peeta says.

"Seven more of us die," she says hopelessly. I almost laugh at that.

"No, back home. What happens when they reach the final eight tributes in the Games?" He lifts her chin so she has no choice but to look him in the eye. "What happens? At the final eight?"

She thinks about it. "At the final eight? They interview your family and friends back home."

"That's right," says Peeta. "They interview your family and friends. And can they do that if they've killed them all?"

"No?" she asks, still unsure.

"No. That's how we know Prim's alive. She'll be the first one they interview, won't she?" he asks.

She seems torn. Very badly. Damn, those voices must've ruined her on the inside... "First Prim. Then your mother. Your cousin, Gale. Madge," he continues. "It was a trick, Katniss. A horrible one. But we're the only ones who can be hurt by it. We're the ones in the Games. Not them."

"You really believe that?" she asks like a child.

"I really do," Peeta says. Damn. That kid's got skill. He can make anyone believe anything that comes out of his mouth. Katniss looks over at Finnick for confirmation, and I see that he too is fixated on Peeta, absorbing every single word.

"Do you believe it, Finnick?" she asks.

"It could be true. I don't know," he says. "Could they do that, Beetee? Take someone's regular voice and make it ..."

"Oh, yes. It's not even that difficult, Finnick. Our children learn a similar technique in school," says Beetee.

"Of course Peeta's right," I say. "The whole country adores Katniss's little sister. If they really killed her like this, they'd probably have an uprising on their hands. Don't want that, do they?" I start screaming up to the sky. "Whole country in rebellion? Wouldn't want anything like that!"

Katniss' mouth drops open in shock. I don't see what's so shocking. Wasn't she paying attention during my interview? "I'm getting water," I say.

I grab the spile and rise. As I am walking towards the trees, Katniss grabs my hand. "Don't go in there," she says desperately. Wow. She seems like she cares about me... Nah. "The birds-"

"They can't hurt me," I say harshly. "I'm not like the rest of you. There's no one left I love." I shake free of her grasp and walk into the trees, knowing that what I said is absolutely true.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hi!**

**Happy April! Or avril, as it is here in PARIS! Yeah, I'm in France on my class trip for French. I could only find time to update now because I've been so fucking busy.**

**Completely off topic: My friend told me today that one of her favorite characters is Finnick and I was like 'yeah me too!' And she was like 'yeah, I totally ship him and Katniss' and I pointed to the door and said 'out'.**

**Now back on topic: This chapter is... wait for it... The part where it actually gets interesting! :D aka THE END OF THE QUARTER QUELL! HAHAHAHAHAHA! And we all know what happens next...**

**hehehe...**

**SO EXCITED! XD**

**And don't forget, reviews are always appreciated!**

**Bye!**

**Song: Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard**

**I don't own THG. But I do own a sugar cube. Want one?**

**Finnick: Hey! That's my thing!**

**Me: Too bad, sucka.**

**Annie: Don't talk to my Finnick that way!**

**Me: _YOUR_ FINNICK?!**

**Peeta: Come on guys, let's all act civilized here.**

**Johanna: *strips***

**Me: Why does someone always end up naked?**

**Katniss: Kill me now.**

* * *

The first crack of lightning thunders wakes me from my sleep. I feel Finnick sit up from beside me with a sharp cry. "I can't sleep anymore," he says. "One of you should rest." I open my eyes and see that Peeta and Katniss are tied up together in each other's arms. I don't even want to know what happened. "Or both of you. I can watch alone."

"It's too dangerous," Peeta says. "I'm not tired. You lie down, Katniss." She doesn't object. He puts some sort of chain with a disc around her neck, then rests his hand over the spot where their baby is. "You're going to make a great mother, you know," he says. He kisses her one last time and goes back to Finnick.

She lies down next to me and rolls over on her side, facing me, unaware that I am awake. I open my eyes and see that she is rubbing her thumb along the gold disc that is attached to her by the gold chain around her neck. She touches her stomach and I see a tear run down her cheek. I turn away.

When her breathing gets slow and shallow, I get up and plop down next to Finnick, startling him and Peeta both. Finnick almost thrusts his trident in my spleen when he sees that it's me. He runs a hand through his hair. "God. Don't do that, Jo."

"You can rest now, Peeta," I say. I know that I should rest, but I just can't.

"Okay," he says, somewhat reluctantly, but he trusts Finnick and I enough to go back to Katniss. Finnick and I stay in a comfortable silence, watching the waves lap up on the sand gently.

"You all right?" I ask him quietly. He doesn't respond.

"Finnick," I say sternly. He doesn't turn towards me. "Annie is okay. I promise."

"But you can't really promise me that, can you?" he asks distressingly. I remind myself that I need to be patient with Finnick in this situation. He's traumatically damaged, and getting annoyed won't help him.

"I can," I say. "It's like I said before. If they even dared to hurt her, forget the districts. There'd be rebellion in the Capitol."

"No, I'm not talking about the voices," he says.

"Then what's bothering you?"

He rubs a hand across his forehead. "I can't stand the thought of her being alone, Johanna."

"Finnick," I say quietly, "you'll make it back to her. You have to."

"But what if I don't?" he asks, turning to me. "Then what will happen?"

"Nothing," I say simply. "Because we'll all be dead with you." This makes him seriously conflicted and I'm positive that every single person in the Capitol is collapsing with tears.

"Please," he says quietly. "Don't say that."

"But it's true." I pick up my axe and draw a circle in the sand with the tip of the blade. "Finnick, this circle represents Annie." I throw my axe into the circle, sending grains of sand flying everywhere. "And this is Annie without you." I want to say that represents me too, but I can't put more stress on the guy than he already has.

His eyes turn glassy because he knows that I'm right. He looks down at his trident. "Johanna?"

"Hm?"

"Promise me something."

"What?"

"If I die here," he says, meaning that if Haymitch's plan screws up, "promise me that you'll look after Annie."

I sigh. "Finnick..."

"Promise me," he asks in a hostile voice. "I need you to promise me!" He looks like he's about to cry.

"You aren't going to die," I say.

"But you can't really promise me that," he says, repeating himself from before, "can you?" He looks up to search my eyes.

"No," I say. "I can't. But I'll do it anyway."

He looks out into the water with a blank expression. "Promise me," he says in a serious voice. "Swear it."

"I promise, Finnick," I say, looking down. But we both know that if Finnick dies, I will too. But I don't say anything, because as cocky as Finnick can be, he is human. He has feelings. He has weak moments. And right now, he is unstable. He needs reassurance. And I am the only one who can give it to him. "I swear it."

"Good." His shoulders relax and he turns back to the ocean.

* * *

"Johanna, wake up."

I open my eyes and see that I've curled up in the sand, hugging my axe. I immediately shoot up and glare at a smirking and a less-gruesome-than-he-was-yesterday Finnick. "Why did you let me sleep?"

"You barely had any sleep," he says. "And besides, you wouldn't wake up." I flip him off and he laughs. I stand up and walk over to where Beetee, Katniss and Peeta have set themselves in the sand. Beetee waves all of us back a bit and he swiftly draws a rough diagram of the arena.

"If you were Brutus and Enobaria, knowing what you do now about the jungle, where would you feel safest?" Beetee asks like he's talking to a bunch of children.

"Where we are now. On the beach," Peeta says. "It's the safest place."

"So why aren't they on the beach?" says Beetee.

"Because we're here," I say. _Idiots._

"Exactly. We're here, claiming the beach. Now where would you go?" says Beetee.

"I'd hide just at the edge of the jungle," Katniss says. "So I could escape if an attack came. And so I could spy on us."

"Also to eat," Finnick says. "The jungle's full of strange creatures and plants. But by watching us, I'd know the seafood's safe."

Beetee smiles at us. "Yes, good. You do see. Now here's what I propose: a twelve o'clock strike. What happens exactly at noon and at midnight?"

"The lightning bolt hits the tree," Katniss says.

"Yes. So what I'm suggesting is that after the bolt hits at noon, but before it hits at midnight, we run my wire from that tree all the way down into the saltwater, which is, of course, highly conductive. When the bolt strikes, the electricity will travel down the wire and into not only the water but also the surrounding beach, which will still be damp from the ten o'clock wave. Anyone in contact with those surfaces at that moment will be electrocuted," Beetee says.

There's a long pause while we all digest Beetee's plan. Finnick and I know that he's gonna use the wire to blow the forcefield, so this must be his cover. Now that we've got our game plan, all we have to do is play it out. And then we're outta here. But I can't help but have the feeling that something about this plan is somewhat precarious...

"Will that wire really be able to conduct that much power, Beetee?" Peeta questions, drawing me out of my thoughts. "It looks so fragile, like it would just burn up."

"Oh, it will. But not until the current has passed through it. It will act something like a fuse, in fact. Except the electricity will travel along it," says Beetee.

"How do you know?" I ask.

"Because I invented it," says Beetee, as if slightly surprised. _Well, you don't have to be a wise ass about it._ "It's not actually wire in the usual sense. Nor is the lightning natural lightning nor the tree a real tree. You know trees better than any of us, Johanna. It would be destroyed by now, wouldn't it?"

"Yes," I mutter. He's right. Half of the trees would've been a pile of ashes by now if they were real.

"Don't worry about the wire- it will do just what I say," Beetee assures us.

"And where will we be when this happens?" asks Finnick.

"Far enough up in the jungle to be safe," Beetee replies.

"The Careers will be safe, too, then, unless they're in the vicinity of the water," Katniss points out.

"That's right," says Beetee.

"But all the seafood will be cooked," says Peeta.

"Probably more than cooked," Beetee says. "We will most likely be eliminating that as a food source for good. But you found other edible things in the jungle, right, Katniss?"

"Yes. Nuts and rats," she says. "And we have sponsors."

"Well, then. I don't see that as a problem," Beetee says. "But as we are allies and this will require all our efforts, the decision of whether or not to attempt it is up to you four."

"Why not?" she says. She just won't give it a rest. Luckily Beetee is a reasonable man. "If it fails, there's no harm done. If it works, there's a decent chance we'll kill them. And even if we don't and just kill the seafood, Brutus and Enobaria lose it as a food source, too."

"I say we try it," says Peeta. "Katniss is right."

Finnick looks at me and raises his eyebrows. Knowing him, he won't go forward unless I'm game. Well, I think that it will work. And Haymitch did say to trust Beetee. "All right," I say. "It's better than hunting them down in the jungle, anyway. And I doubt they'll figure out our plan, since we can barely understand it ourselves." It's a small lie, but it convinces Peeta and Katniss which is all it needed to do.

After Beetee goes over his plan again for any flaws, we head into the jungle. Beetee's still too weak to hike up the slope on his own, so Finnick and Peeta take turns carrying him. I take the lead with my axes in hand, ready to kill the first Career in my sight with the flick of my wrist.

"I think Katniss should take the lead," Finnick suggests after a while. "Katniss can hear the force field."

"Hear it?" asks Beetee.

"Only with the ear the Capitol reconstructed," Katniss explains. I think back to last year's games and remember how she blew up the Careers' food supplies and she ended up losing hearing in one ear.

"Then by all means, let Katniss go first," Beetee says, pausing a moment to wipe the steam off his glasses. "Force fields are nothing to play around with."

Katniss picks up a handful of odd looking nuts and throws them ahead of her. The nut flies fifteen feet, sizzles, and falls to the ground like a charred pebble.

"Just stay below the lightning tree," says Katniss.

We split up. Finnick guards Beetee while he examines the tree, Peeta gathers nuts, Katniss hunts, and I tap for water. I pick up a few discarded large shells and bang the spike into the nearest tree with the flat side of my axe blade. When I have a shell filled for everyone, I somehow manage to balance them and carry them back over to where everyone is sitting.

Suddenly, we hear the clicking of some sort of insects coming from the section next to us. That means it's eleven o'clock.

"It's not mechanical," Beetee decides.

"I'd guess insects," Katniss says. "Maybe beetles."

"Something with pincers," adds Finnick. The sound grows louder and I can't help but feel that these bugs are larger and more deadly than the average insect. I shudder. But then I remember that we don't have much time.

"We should get out of here, anyway," I say. "There's less than an hour before the lightning starts."

We don't get too far, though. We stop at the identical tree near the blood-rain section and have a picnic of sorts, squatting on the ground, eating our gathered food, waiting for the lightning that signals noon. Katniss climbs up into the canopy as the clicking begins to fade out. When the lightning ends, Katniss swings down and we continue.

We take a difficult route back to the ten o'clock beach. The sand is smooth and damp, swept clean by the recent wave. Beetee gives us the afternoon off while he works with the wire. At first we take turns having naps in the shadowy edge of the jungle, but by late afternoon everyone is awake and restless. We decide, since this might be our last chance for seafood, to make a sort of feast of it. Finnick teaches us how to spear fish, gather shellfish and dive for oysters. I remember when my older brother taught me how to swim in the watering hole that is hidden in the woods. He died, though. A long time ago, when I was four. A tree branch fell on him and he lost both his legs. And then the watering hole dried up.

I keep watch while Finnick, Peeta, and Katniss clean and lay out the seafood. Peeta's just pried open an oyster when I hear him laugh.

"Hey, look at this!" he says, holding up a glistening, perfect pearl about the size of a pea. "You know, if you put enough pressure on coal it turns to pearls," he says to Finnick. _Uh, no it doesn't._

"No, it doesn't," Finnick says. _Great minds think alike._

Peeta rinses the pearl off in the water and hands it to Katniss. "For you." She holds it out on her palm and examines it closely. She seems to be deciding whether or not to keep it, and she closes her fist around it. I'll take that as a yes.

"Thanks," she says. She looks into Peeta's eyes with love and I turn away before they start making out or something. But they continue talking.

"The locket didn't work, did it?" Peeta says. What locket? That necklace she's wearing? What didn't work? "Katniss?"

"It worked," she says unconvincingly.

"But not the way I wanted it to," he says knowingly. The conversation ends at that.

We stuff ourselves with as much food as we can, and even then there are leftovers. They won't keep, though, so we toss all the remaining food back into the water so the Careers won't get it when we leave.

Now, there's nothing we can do except wait.

Peeta and Katniss walk to the shoreline and sit, hand in hand, wordless. Beetee, Finnick and I sit at the edge of the trees, making sure that we are out of earshot for them. Even then, we speak in hushed whispers.

"This should blow out the forcefield," Beetee says. "But that doesn't mean that we're automatically saved. We have to remember that the Capitol has hovercrafts too. They could just as easily pick up Peeta and Katniss as District Thirteen can. Not to mention the fact that they have the advantage of the trackers." _Oh yeah. I forgot about those_. I roll up the sleeve of my outfit and see that sure enough, there is a tiny scab on my forearm that was definitely made with a needle. They must've injected me with it while I was unconscious. "So, to take extra precaution, I've come up with a plan." _Of course you did. _"Johanna, you and Katniss will take the coil of wire down to the beach while Finnick, Peeta and I will stay at the tree. I am going to cut the wire, and then, only then, will you get Katniss on the ground and cut out her tracker. Finnick, you do the same with Peeta."

"So then what?" Finnick asks.

"You get the heck out of there and hope for the best," Beetee says matter-of-factly. "There is about a fifty percent chance that this plan will be effective, but it's the best we can do with our limited time and resources."

"Sounds good to me," I say.

"Me too," Finnick says.

"Good you think so," Beetee says, "because it's time to go."

* * *

When the anthem goes on, no faces light up the sky. The audience in the Capitol will be thirsting for blood and death and more blood, but they'll get a different surprise coming their way. One that no one will expect.

Beetee asks Finnick to help him, and the rest of us stand guard. Before he even attaches any wire to the tree, Beetee unrolls yards and yards of the stuff. He has Finnick secure it tightly around a broken branch and lay it on the ground. Then they stand on either side of the tree, passing the spool back and forth as they wrap the wire around and around the trunk.

The work on the trunk's completed just as we hear the wave begin. This is when Beetee reveals the rest of the plan.

"Katniss, I want you and Johanna to bring the coil down through the jungle, unwinding it as you go, since you two move most swiftly through the trees out of all of us," Beetee says. This is it. It's show time. "When you get there, lay it across the twelve o'clock beach and drop the metal spool, with whatever is left, deep into the water, making sure it sinks. Then run for the jungle. If you go now, right now, you should be able to make it to safety."

"I want to go with them as a guard," Peeta says immediately. And of course, here comes Peeta, as stubborn and uncooperative as I thought he would be.

"You're too slow. Besides, I'll need you on this end. Katniss will guard," says Beetee. "There's no time to debate this. I'm sorry. If the girls are to get out of there alive, they need to move now." He hands me the coil. Katniss looks like she's about to protest, but then decides that she will trust us. If not us, than at least Beetee.

"It's okay," she tells Peeta. "We'll just drop the coil and come straight back up."

"Not into the lightning zone," Beetee reminds her. "Head for the tree in the one-to-two- o'clock sector. If you find you're running out of time, move over one more. Don't even think about going back on the beach, though, until I can assess the damage."

She takes Peeta's face in her hands. "Don't worry. I'll see you at midnight." She gives him a kiss and, before he can object any further, she lets go and turn to me. "Ready?"

"Why not?" I say with a shrug. I put on my best I-really-do-not-want-to-do-this face to please her. "You guard, I'll unwind. We can trade off later."

Without further discussion, we head down the slope. I glance back and look at Finnick, who gives me a nod.

This is it.

This is what I have been waiting for.

Revenge.

* * *

"Better hurry," I say. We've been walking for a long time. "I want to put a lot of distance between me and that water before the lightning hits. Just in case Volts miscalculated something." Of course I know Beetee didn't miscalculate anything. I just want to keep her away from Careers and other shit that can end her life.

"I'll take the coil for a while," she says.

"Here," I say, handing the coil to her.

Both of our hands are still on the metal cylinder when there's a slight vibration. Suddenly the thin golden wire from above springs down at us, bunching in tangled loops and curls around our wrists. Then the severed end snakes up to our feet.

It's snapped.

Show time.

Katniss and I look at each other. I pretend to look astonished, like I can't believe this just happened. Then, as quick as light, I smash the cylinder into her left temple. She collapses into the vines and before she can register a single thing, I jump on top of her and pin my knees into her shoulders. I then dislodge a knife from my belt and stab it right into her left forearm, where the tracker is located. She tries to jerk away, but she's too out-of-sorts to do so. I twist the knife around in her arm and try to find the tracker, but it's more difficult than it seems. And bloody.

I run the knife down her wrist, and finally, I find it. Blood spraying in my face, I tug it out and find a silver, bloody, disc. I stuff it in my pocket and wipe her arm across her face to make her look dead. Just incase the Careers come searching.

"Stay down!" I hiss. Then I leap up and run off.

My whole body pounds as I run through the trees. My head, my feet, my blood, my bones, my brain, my legs, my heart, all pushing me up the slope and rushing adrenaline through my veins. This must be the fastest I have run in my entire life. I reach the top just on time to watch Peeta kill Brutus.

What?!

Where's Finnick?!

Peeta shoots up and looks at me. He has such a crazy look in his eye, crazier than I have ever seen, even crazier than the look on Katniss' face when she was trapped with the jabberjays. He looks so... terrified. And furious. And something of which I cannot explain. His eyes glint and runs up to me, pushing me against a tree. I'm caught off-guard.

"WHERE'S KATNISS?!" he screams.

"I don't know!" I lie. I push him off me and before I can get on top of him and dig his tracker out, he scramble up, grabs his blood-covered sword, and sprints into the jungle. Frantically, I sprint down the slope, and even with his leg, Peeta has managed to be faster than me. I guess that's what fear does to people. It gives you strength.

He keeps crying Katniss's name over and over and over again and she responds. I try so hard to keep up with him, but eventually I can't even catch a glimpse of his golden hair. I run anyway. Suddenly, a cannon goes off.

"KATNISS?!" Peeta cries ahead of me.

No response.

Peeta's footsteps come closer to me and before I know it, his head bashes into mine and we both fall. He scrambles for his sword and I unhook my axe. Then I realize he has his blade on my neck.

_He's going to kill me._

"Peeta," I say calmly. "Put the sword down."

His hands shake and I look into his eyes. They've gone red with straining to hold in tears. "You set them up. You set them up so they could kill her."

"I didn't!" I say. And it's the truth. But he doesn't believe me. I guess I wouldn't believe me either if I was told as many lies as he has. "Peeta, just put the god damn sword down."

Before he can respond, the forcefield explodes.

I'm thrown into a tree and I can't see anything. Not even Peeta, who I can hear moaning a few feet next to me. I think that this is it, this is the time that I die. And I'm prepared to die. We just pulled the stunt of the century and not even Snow could see it coming. For the first time in so long, I'm proud of what I have done. And I'm ready to let go.

Do I regret anything I have done?

No. I don't.


	11. Chapter 11

**Good luck children.**

**Song: Down by Jason Walker**

**Disclaimer: I don't own THG**

* * *

I remember the time that I was in my first Hunger Games. To be perfectly honest, I really was terrified. It wasn't all an act. But I knew that I would be able to kill people when it came down to doing it.

Everyone was standing on the metal plates. I was quivering with fear and tears were streaming down my face. The girl next to me stared at me like I was a fly she could easily squish. I somehow managed to stop crying just as the gong sounded. At first, I didn't move from my plate. Everyone darted off either towards the Cornucopia or to the woods. It's all kind of blurry, but I remember blood. Yes, lots and lots of blood. And all I could do was stand still.

Someone was running at me and I saw it was the boy from Three. But my body refused to move and I couldn't get away. So, I just closed my eyes and waited for the blow-

But instead I was showered with blood.

My eyes flew open and I saw the boy laying on the ground with a rapidly growing pool of dark blood surrounding him. And over his body stood Jonas. My district partner. He hadn't spoken to me unless he had to. In fact, he probably would've just ignored me entirely if we didn't have to cooperate with each other.

He held out his blood-covered hand to me. "Allies?" I nodded. I didn't really have a choice. He gripped my small hand in his strong one and pulled me towards the trees, but not before retrieving his knife from his victim's corpse. We ran and ran and ran, Jonas pretty much dragging me the whole way. We only stopped when we heard the first cannon, signaling the end of the bloodbath. One cannon. Two cannons. Three. And seven more after that.

"Ten dead," Jonas said, wiping some of the sweat out of his hair. "Ten people were murdered today."

We didn't talk after that.

For the next few hours, we walked through the forest in silence. I would've said something, but I knew that Jonas was feeling guilty about killing that boy, even if he did end up saving one. I guess that's just the way the world works. You can't gain something without losing something in the process. It's tedious and even frightening to some extent, but there's nothing we can do about that.

When it was getting dark, we found a small clearing hidden by a circle of dense trees. These trees were unlike any tree I have ever seen; they were covered with thorns. Not like pine trees, but like actual thorns, covering the bark and the branches. And there weren't any leaves. I wondered what that was about. And the ground, it was covered with sand. But there wasn't that much water.

"Here," Jonas said, handing me an axe. I took it and weighed it in my hand. "Can you throw?"

"Uh..." I didn't know. The only thing I had ever used an axe for was to cut trees. Not to kill. But I knew that I was going to have to kill eventually.

"Try it," he said, pointing to a tree that stood a few feet in front of us. "Just toss it."

I stared at the tree, then back to my axe, and ever so slowly, I lifted the axe, took a deep breath, and released my grip. The axe twirled through the air and the blade stuck to the bark.

"Good," Jonas said encouragingly. "Now get the axe and try to hit the same spot." I retrieved my axe and walked back to where I stood before. Then I threw it. It hit the same exact spot. _Wow_.

"Wow," he said, impressed. "I have to say, I didn't expect you to be able to do that."

I shrugged and sat next to him, hiding how positively his praise had affected me. "Don't judge a book by its cover, Jonas." He smirked, but didn't say anything.

As the sun went down, it got colder and colder and colder and I was shivering so hard that my bones were chattering. Jonas fumbled through a backpack he had retrieved from the Cornucopia and found a blanket and a sleeping bag. He wordlessly handed me the sleeping bag and wrapped the blanket around his shoulders. I pulled the sleeping bag around me and laid down on the sand.

"I'll take first watch," he said. I nodded without protest.

A little while later, the anthem went on. I opened my eyes and saw that the first face to light up the sky was the boy that Jonas killed. I looked over at him and saw no expression on his face. The next face was the girl from Three, then both from Five, the girl from Six, both from Nine and Ten, and the boy from Twelve. The Careers were still out there. A wave of fear surged through me. But I pushed it away. I had nothing to be afraid of. I was going to win.

* * *

The next two days, nobody else died. That meant that somebody had to die soon or the Gamemakers were going to set up one of their traps.

We were camped by a small watering hole we had found, drinking some water, completely silent. Even though I had never been one to socialize, I couldn't help but feel like starting a conversation.

"So..." I said. "Do you have any brothers or sisters or something?"

He turned to me and gave me a look, then turned back to the tree he was scrutinizing. "No."

"Oh. Okay." I felt embarrassed and turned away.

"Do you?" he asked, startling me.

"Yeah," I said. "I have a sister."

"Cool," he said, uninterested. We went back to silence.

Suddenly, we heard a twig snap. Jonas and I shot up, axes in hand. Our awkward conversation was forgotten. Jonas and I shot up, readying ourselves for whatever we had to face. But we didn't see anything.

"It's just a rabbit or something," Jonas muttered. I was about to nod in agreement when I saw a head peak out from behind a bush. It was the girl from Twelve.

Before I even knew what I was doing, I had thrown my axe at her head.

She screamed.

The cannon fired.

I had just killed someone.

I started to feel lightheaded. That girl... she could've had a family back at home that she needed to take care of, and now they will die of hunger. Or sadness. I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat.

Jonas looked at me, startled. "Wow. Uh... Good job."

"Whatever," I muttered. Disgusted, I slowly inched towards the girl's body and snatched up my axe. It was dripping with blood. We walked back to our camp to wash off the blood.

* * *

That night, I kept watch. I was bored and was starting to fall asleep, the image of that girl's lifeless body flashed through my mind and I suddenly wasn't so tired anymore. Jonas, trying to sleep, shivered and wrapped the blanket around himself tighter. I unzipped the sleeping bag and put it around him, then took his blanket to wrap around myself. He opened his eyes and looked like he was about to say something when we suddenly heard a series of screams.

Then the Career pack crashed through the trees, looking terrified. Jonas and I shot up, just in time to see the snake mutts crash through the clearing. They were ten feet long, two feet wide, black-scaled, red-eyed, and had extremely sharp fangs. There were three of them, and one of them pounced on top of the girl from Four. Another one bit off the arm of the girl from One and the third one turned to me while everyone else except Jonas tried to kill them. I pulled out my axe and threw it at the snake's head before it could bite me, but it didn't seem to do any damage. It bore its fangs and jumped on top of me. It opened its mouth and a hot string of putrid saliva dripped on my cheek. I clenched my eyes shut and waited for the pain, but instead the head fell on top of me. As did a lot of blood.

I opened my eyes as saw that Jonas had a sword in his hand and was standing over the body of the mutt, covered in blood. The other two snakes were dying after being stabbed senseless by the Careers and the girl from Four wasn't anywhere to be seen, but the girl from One was leaning against a tree while her district partner tied a tourniquet around her armless shoulder. Jonas helped me up and I fell against him for a second. Then the two of us ran off before the Careers noticed that they just let two of the most deadly tributes escape.

_Suckers._

* * *

Later that day, after we had gotten settled and cleaned up, Jonas and I heard the sound of voices. They were laughing and joking and sounded happy. We stood up, gripping our axes. I snuck behind a tree and watched as the people crashed through the clearing. The Careers. Immediately, they spotted Jonas.

"Well well well, who do we have here?" the blond girl from Two said mockingly. She jumped on top of him and easily knocked the axe from his hand. I knew that Jonas could've easily knocked her off like she was a feather. But still, Jonas just sat there. His eyes found mine and I knew he wanted me to wait until I pounced on them. So I did.

The boy from Four walked over to Jonas and placed the tip of his trident on his cheek. "Who wants to kill him?"

"I should, I got him down," the girl from Two said.

"Yeah, but we agreed that I would kill the next one we got," the girl from One protested.

"I thought I was killing the ones from Seven," the boy from One said. And then the five of them broke out into a fit of bickering over who should kill Jonas as if he were a candy bar. Jonas' eyes found mine again and he nodded. I ran out from behind the trees, grabbed Jonas' axe, and blindly threw both of them. One stuck in the boy from Four's head and the other hit a tree. Everyone turned towards me.

Without wasting a second, I pulled my axe out of the boy from Four and stabbed the girl from Two in the back and she fell on top of Jonas. The girl from One threw a knife at me which I easily dodged and I threw an axe at her which ended up hitting the boy from Two with a deathblow. The remaining tributes from One retreated before I could get my axe again.

Panting, I turned towards Jonas who was just staring at me, awestruck. His clothes were splattered with blood. I walked up to him and handed him his axe.

"Let's get some rest," I said.

* * *

Over the next few days, Jonas talked to me more and I seemed to have gained his respect. I guess when you kill three murder-machines in under a minute when you have practically no experience, it will impress people. It's not something I was proud of, but I was just doing what I was supposed to do. I was supposed to kill. So I was going to kill. As simple as that. Otherwise, I was going to be killed. And I couldn't let that happen.

We went hunting for people and I managed to kill quite a few of the tributes. I got the boy from Six, both from Eleven, and the boy from Eight. The more people I killed, the less guilty I felt, and the closer I was to getting home. It didn't seem all that bad then. If only I had known how negatively it would effect me in the near future.

One night, I was on watch and Jonas was curled up in the sleeping bag. My eyelids were getting heavy but then the pictures of my victims' lifeless bodies flashed through my mind and suddenly I wasn't so tired anymore.

After a few hours, I heard a large branch snap. It wasn't like any branch, though. Like a whole tree had fallen from on top of another tree. I shook Jonas awake. He darted up.

"What?" he hissed.

"I heard something-" Then the sound crashed again.

"What was that?" he asked.

"Exactly," I whispered. "I don't-"

And then the trees started to move.

The thorns on the trees started to grow and connect like vines, creating a blockade so we couldn't escape. Then the vines shot out and wrapped themselves around Jonas and I. I screamed and Jonas somehow managed to get his arm free. He started hacking at them with his axe, trying to get free, but it did nothing. I felt one of the vines lock itself around my throat.

"Jonas," I wheezed. I started coughing and I couldn't breathe.

"Johanna!" he screamed. He started hacking at the wood harder, sending splinters flying everywhere. But still, the tree didn't budge. And I thought I was going to die.

But the branches holding Jonas were starting to give out. And I thought that there was still hope. But the Gamemakers realized this too, and as a defense mechanism, the branches that were holding Jonas started to squeeze him. Tighter and tighter and tighter. He couldn't breathe or move and his blood vessels popped and his skin tore and his bones cracked-

And his heart stopped.

And the branches released both of us.

I screamed as I hit the ground. Shaking, I sat up and crawled over to Jonas' lifeless body. His limbs were cracked and bent in odd directions, blood was flowing from him like a river, and his eyes. Oh, his eyes. They laid open there, lifeless. No light, no warmth, just cold, empty, darkness. I choked on a sob.

_ He was trying to save me. And he died because of that._

The branches shrank until they were just thorns again. I barely noticed this, though. All I could process was that my friend was dead. But instead of dwelling in the sadness of his death, I was going to act in spite of it. I stood up, grabbed my axe, and started walking off to find my next victim. I was going to win.

For Jonas.

* * *

All that was left was me and the girl from One, whose name I learned was Polish. She had a tourniquet wrapped around the stub where her arm used to be. She was an easy challenge, even though she was a Career and tried so hard to win. It was something of an epic showdown; we had started off dodging each other's weak attempts at death blows, but eventually I managed to detach her other arm and she fell on the ground, unable to bear the weight of her agony. She looked at me with pleading eyes, and I don't know if she was pleading for me to spare her or pleading for me to end her life, but whatever it was, it wouldn't have stopped me from bringing the axe down on her neck.

Her blood spattered all over me.

And the trumpets sounded.

"Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you, the winner of the Seventieth Hunger Games, Johanna Mason!"

And I cried.

* * *

There is nothing more depressing than going to the funeral of someone who you actually cared about. It's like having a piece of you get ripped out of you and die with them. And it scars you; you will never be the same again. And people notice it, too.

"Jo," Hollis whispered in her loud whisper. "Why are you sad?"

I touched my eye and felt tears. I sniffed and wiped my eyes. "No reason."

"Oh." She turned back to the casket.

Everyone was looking at me. I knew that without looking around. They were probably wondering why I would even care about Jonas; I didn't seem to care about the other eight children whose loves I took. But I did. I swear I did. I can't do anything to prove it to you. Just take my word for it.

His body looked disoriented, like his bones were crushed and put back together in the wrong way. He was dressed in a black, formal, Capitol tuxedo and his hair was done in a way that made him look like he was just sleeping, but his skin was a deathly, deathly pale color. At least they had the decency to shut his eyes. I don't know if I would've been able to stand the sight of his lifeless, blue eyes again. Not again.

There was a hand on my shoulder and I turned to see that it was Olive's cousin, Margret. She normally lived in District Twelve, but since her dad was the mayor she could come to District Seven for the funeral. I don't know why she would want to come, but apparently she did.

"Let's get you out of here," she whispered. I just nodded and let her lead me out of the crowd. I wanted it to be Olive who led me away from that hellhole, but I hadn't seen her since she came to say goodbye to me before I went into the arena.

Margret led me away from the square, through the town, and to the outskirts of the forest. We sat on a bench and she clutched one of my hands between hers. She looked as beautiful as Olive: her black dress brought out the blueness of her eyes and her blond hair fluttered softly in the slight breeze. She smiled at me sadly.

"Are you all right Johanna?" she asked.

"What do you care?" I snapped. "Your dad is mayor, you're probably never gonna get reaped, and you haven't killed anyone."

She looked down. "I know you don't know me very well, but what I do know is that Olive isn't going to talk to you anytime soon and you need someone to talk to."

I rolled my eyes, but sighed. "Whatever Margret."

"Madge," she said. "Call me Madge."

"Well, _Madge_, to answer your question, I'm feeling pretty crappy," I said.

Madge smiled. "Yeah, well, that much I guessed."

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really?"

"You were standing there, crying and sulking while everyone else practically glared at you for doing something that wasn't your fault," she said quietly. "I know that people are weird around you, and they're going to be weird around you for a long time. But you can just call me in Twelve if you ever need someone, Johanna."

I smiled slightly. "Thanks Madge."

She smiled. "No problem."

* * *

After the funeral, Madge got on the train and went back to Twelve.

I never saw her again.

And I never did get to call her, though. Maybe it was because I was scared or tired or just because I didn't want to, but sometimes I wonder what would've happened of I did call her. At least once. Because I heard from someone wise that the smallest things can make the biggest difference, no matter how small they may be. And anyway, everyone comes into ours lives for a reason, right? Maybe that one time that she helped me at the funeral was her reason, but I can't help that there is another reason. A more important reason.

All we can do is wait.


	12. Chapter 12

I tear the piece of bread in half.

"Here," I mutter, handing half to Peeta.

"Thanks," he mutters back.

We are sitting in the middle of our room. There are three bedded cots, a rug, and a small table with a deck of cards on it. Nothing else. We get limited food: one loaf of bread a day and one jug of water for two days. I have to say, I expected much worse. Like to be dead.

But no. Clearly, the Capitol had other plans.

After the arena blew up, the Capitol picked up Peeta and I in a hovercraft and brought us to some sort of place that's off the map. When we first woke up, Peeta had a freak attack and tried to kill me but Annie pulled him away, which surprised me. I hadn't realized that she was there. She whispered something to him and he's trusted me ever since. I'm not quite sure how long we've been stuck here, but what I do know is that Snow is pretty pissed off. And now that he has Peeta, Annie and I, he isn't going to use us sparingly. No, not after what we did. Well, what _I_ did. How can he? Exactly. He can't. He is the enemy, after all.

I hand the other half of the bread to Annie, who smiles at me. But the smile doesn't reach her eyes. She takes it, then breaks it in half and tries to hand me one half, but I refuse.

"I'm not hungry," I say.

"Me neither," she says quietly. "But you have to eat." Sighing, I take the bread and bite into it. It tastes like cardboard. Still, she smiles satisfactorily.

The three of us sit in silence, savoring our small rations of food. When we're finished, nobody says anything. There's nothing to say.

"I miss Finnick," Annie whispers out of nowhere.

"Me too," I sigh.

"I hope Katniss is all right," Peeta says, putting his head in his hands.

"She is," I say. I didn't tell Peeta and Annie about the plan that over half of the tributes were a part of. Should the Capitol try to torture information out of either of them, I don't want them to break and spill their guts. It's better that they know nothing. And anyway, I have no way of knowing if Katniss and Finnick actually _did_ get out. For all I know, they could be dead or, even worse, somewhere else in this place.

Peeta sighs. "I hope so."

_Me too._

* * *

**Three Weeks Later...**

* * *

I knew that they would start to hurt us eventually. But what I didn't know was how painful it would actually be.

We were all sitting in our room, bored and scared out of our minds. Peeta was building another house out of those cards that they gave us, Annie was braiding together a few strands of her red hair, and I was contemplating whether or not the edges on one of the cards was sharp enough for us to slit our wrists and end this. Then the door burst open and a group of Peacekeepers stood in the doorway. I heard Annie whimper.

"Mellark, come with us," one of them said.

"Where?" Peeta asked.

"President Snow would like to speak with you." I felt something inside of me die. Peeta eyed Annie and I as he stood and followed them out the door wordlessly.

"What do you think he wants?" Annie asked me in a whisper.

"I don't know," I said. "But whatever it is, it can't be good."

Annie and I just sat there for the whole day, in silence, wondering what the hell Snow had wanted from Peeta. At some point Peeta's unfinished card house toppled over and scattered cards all over the place. Neither of us made a move to clean it up, though. All we could do was sit there.

Suddenly, the door flew open, sending cards flying everywhere. In a flash, two Peacekeepers had gripped both Annie and I and were pulling us out the door. They were pulling Annie down one side of the hallway and were pulling me down the other. I started screaming for them to let me go, but they just kept dragging me. I managed to turn my head and catch a glimpse of Annie staring at me with her green eyes that had gone red with tears.

That was the last time I saw her.

They threw me into a white room that had a tub of water in it. I was strapped so tightly into a chair my blood circulation was cut off. Then an older Peacekeeper with a scar that ran from the corner of his mouth to over his closed eye walked in. He grinned at me.

"Good evening, Miss Mason," he said. I didn't say anything. "I guess you are wondering why you are here." Again, I didn't say anything. He inched closer to me and bent down so we were eye-level. "Now, I'm going to ask you some questions, and I want you to answer them truthfully, or there shall be _severe_ repercussions. Are we clear?"

I spat in his face.

"FUCK YOU!" I screeched so loudly I might've made his ears bleed. He looked at me with such anger I'm surprised he didn't kill me right then and there. But then he just stood up and took a step back, smiling as if nothing happened. He looked over to the group of Peacekeepers and nodded over to me. One of them took out a blade and in one swift movement, chopped off my hair. Then he shaved off the rest sloppily, digging the sharp razor into my bare scalp countless times. I screamed, but he kept shaving until there wasn't a strand of hair on my head.

Before I could scream anything repulsive, another Peacekeeper dunked my head into the tub of water and held me there for a minute. He pulled my head up and I started sputtering and gasping for breath, only to be dunked under again. He did this over and over and over again until I was on the brink of death. I swallowed the bile and looked at the man with the scar. He was still smiling.

"F-Fuck yo-ou," I rasped. Somebody started screaming bloody murder next door and I realized that it was Peeta. "Leave him a-alone. He doesn't know anything."

"Miss Mason," he said, ignoring what I had just said. "What do you know about the rebels?"

"Like I would tell a dickhead like you," I scoffed. His smile immediately diminished. He pulled some sort of control out of his pocket and without a minute's hesitation, pressed the button.

Pain.

That's all I felt.

There's no way to describe it, no word strong enough to explain it to its full extent. The pain was too great, too powerful, too manipulating, too... painful. I can't describe it, I couldn't describe it, and I won't ever be able to describe it. When it stopped, I was shaking. I felt freezing yet on fire at the same time, like my nerves were fried but my veins were filled with ice. I liked it better when I was getting electrocuted.

The scar guy, or as I liked to call him, the dickhead, bent down to me again. "I warned you. Now, tell me what I want to know, or I will push this button again."

I spat in his face again.

And he pushed the button.

* * *

This hell has been going on for weeks, but I lost count on the seventh. The pain of the electrocutions has numbed somewhat, probably because the voltages are frying my nerves. I can't imagine anything more painful.

Although, I don't know what the hell they're doing to Peeta.

They have placed Peeta and I in cells next to each other, and every time we are brought back, he looks worse. Sometimes it takes days until I see him again, or sometimes it takes days for him to gain consciousness. But his scream is fresh in my mind, no matter what. They're beating him like crazy, and I can bet a good chunk of money that his heart has stopped more than once. I wish that it would stop for good. For his sake.

After electrocuting me for information once again, they throw me back into my cell. I'm beginning to wish that I had slit my wrists with those playing cards a few weeks back. I clutch my eyes shut and clench my teeth, trying ever so hard to fight back tears. It seems to be getting harder and harder every day. But I will not break. I will not give them that satisfaction. They cannot manipulate me. I won't allow it.

Slowly, I sit up and look into Peeta's cell. He's lying down in the fetal position, his back against the bars that separate my cell from his, shaking. I reach through the bars and place a hand on his shoulder. He jerks up, looking around like a maniac, but relaxes when he realizes it's just me.

"Your foreh-head is bleed-ding," he stutters. I touch my index finger to my brow and see that it's dripping with dark blood. I sigh and wipe my forehead with the back of my sleeve.

"So i-is yours," I say. He has a deep gash that runs from the tip of his eyebrow to the middle of his forehead. He just nods and wipes his forehead with the back of his sleeve.

Suddenly, the door to Peeta's cell opens and two Peacekeepers stand in the doorway. "C'mon," one of them growls. "Snow wants you to do another interview." Peeta had explained that Snow wanted him to do an interview, but wasn't happy with its impact on the districts and ordered for Peeta and I to be tortured. I don't blame Peeta for any of this, it's practically my fault that we're here in the first place. But Snow wants me to hate him. He wants everyone to hate him. And the fact that he wants Peeta to do another interview is alarming.

So as Peeta stands up and let's the Peacekeepers drag him out the doorway, I feel desperate. "Peeta," I croak. He glances back to me. "Don't go."

But all he does is look at me with his crystal, blue eyes that read one thing.

_Help me._

But I know that he knows I can't do anything to help him. No matter how much I want to help him, no matter how hard I try, I will probably land both of us with more severe torture. And I don't need to be responsible for even more pain. I've caused enough.

"Shut up, Mason," one of the Peacekeepers bark. Then the door to his cell slams shut and I'm left in darkness. I put my head in my hands and fight off tears with all of the willpower that I have.

That was the last time I saw Peeta's eyes normal again.

* * *

Weeks have passed. Peeta still hasn't come back.

I don't know what those bastards are doing to him, but his screams are so loud that I won't ever be able to hear right again. They torture him, day and night, with some sort of torture that sounds so agonizing that I can't even begin to imagine what it is. His screams have forever scarred my eardrums. And sickens me. It's sickens me so much.

They drag me back to my cell and throw me against the wall. I hear the door clank shut and I curl up into a ball, wishing that I could just disappear. It would be so much easier to just disappear. But apparently I have to do things the hard way. I've always had to do things the hard way. And I guess I'm going to keep having to.

The door to my cell clanks open and the dickhead throws a piece of bread at me. The first piece of bread I have seen in four days.

"Eat up, we're beginning torture again in an hour," he says with a smile. I don't have the energy to say anything, so I just glare at him with all that I have. But he just laughs and shuts the door. I sigh, tear off a piece of the crust, nod put it in my mouth. It tastes like shit, but it's food.

Suddenly, the door opens and Peeta is thrown in.

_PEETA._

He doesn't look like he was physically damaged, except for the bruises and cuts that are healing from before. He is screaming, though, and just before the Peacekeepers close his door, he jumps on top of one and starts to claw at their face. It takes the rest of the Peacekeepers to pull Peeta off of him. Then they throw him back into his cell and shut the door. Tight.

I put my bread back on the plate and crawl over to him.

"Peeta," I whisper. He looks up at me. And his eyes, they're... clouded?

"They-They wanted me to hate her," he says. "They poisoned me with this poison that burned as it ran through my veins and-"

"Wait," I say. "What?"

"They were trying to get me to hate her," he says. "And I don't know what to think anymore. They show me fake tapes and they give me this poison that makes my brain all fuzzy and-"

"They want you to hate who, Peeta?" I ask. "Who?"

He looks at me despairingly. "Katniss."

_Of course._

"Just hang on, Peeta," I say. "Hang on for Katniss."

He's quiet for a minute. "I'll try," he says.

If only I had known how close he was to breaking.


	13. Chapter 13

**To The Mortal Instruments Fans: My brother's getting married to a girl named Izzy who has a pet rat named Simon... Either this is some extremely freakish coincidence, I'm delirious, or my brother has amazing instincts.**

**Now, prepare to die.**

**Song: Scars by Allison Iraheta.**

**I don't own THG.**

* * *

My head is pulled out of the tank and I gasp for air. Then the dickhead pushes the button and fire course through my body. Once it stops, I have the ability to scream.

"F-Fuck yo-ou," I stammer. I look into the murky, black water and feel my throat constrict.

"Well?" the dickhead asks.

"I'm not gonna break," I insist. But every day, it turns more and more into a lie.

The dickhead sighs and runs a hand over his bald head. "Well, that's all for now. You can go."

I suppress a sigh of relief as the Peacekeepers unstrap me from my torture chair. They pull me up and push me towards the door.

"Oh, and Mason?" the dickhead says. _So close_... "Expect to see a new roommate in your cell."

"Who?" I ask reluctantly.

He smiles sadistically. "Let's just say it's an old friend..."

Before I can respond, the Peacekeepers are shoving me towards my cell. I think about what he said, that there is someone else I know waiting in my cell...

_He's just pushing your buttons_, I think_. All of your friends are dead._

_Well, _most_ of them_... another side of my brain says.

_Shut up_! the other side of my brain says._ You learned a loooong time ago not to trust everything someone says. _

_Especially dickheads, _the other side of me agrees.

_Okay, I'm__ going crazy._

But when I go back to my cell after torture, guess who I see sitting in the corner?

Madge.

"Hi Johanna," she murmurs, curling up into a ball on the floor.

I sit next to her. "Long time no see." She nods.

"So, how's it goin'" she asks quietly.

_Is that supposed to be a joke?_

"Wonderful," I say sarcastically.

"Yeah," she says. "My life's just swell."

"How'd you get here?" I ask her.

She shudders. "I guess I should start from the beginning. Well... After the arena exploded, all the power went out. Everyone was left in the dark, confused. Then they started dropping firebombs on the Seam..."

"_What_?" I ask.

Madge nods. "My father told me to run where everyone else was running, which was to the forest. I told him I didn't want to leave him, but he yelled at me. He had to help my mother. So I ran." She pauses. "But by that time, I couldn't see through the smoke. And my skin, it felt like it was melting..." She tugs down one of her sleeves and I can see serious burn marks. "And I just kinda wandered around until I gave up. I laid down on the ground, crying. But I didn't feel ashes underneath me. I felt grass. Fresh grass."

"The Victor's Village," I finish. The Victor's Village is the only place in District Seven with fresh grass. And our industry is lumber. I'm pretty sure the only place with fresh grass in a place polluted with coal will be in the Victor's Village.

"Yeah," she says. "I ran inside one of the empty houses and crawled down to the cellar. I stayed there for goodness knows how long. But then, a few days ago, the Peacekeepers were on some sort of mission to execute any survivors in the bombed districts. And one of them found me. They asked for my name and I told them. I don't know why, but they decided not to kill me."

_I'm pretty sure_ I_ know why_...

Suddenly, Peeta's cell door opens and he's thrown in. He curls up on the floor, tense. He does this every time he comes back now, and stays like that for at least an hour. I guess he's trying to push the false images out of his brain. It doesn't work very well, but it gives him time.

Madge shoots up and walks over to the edge of the cell. "Peeta?!"

He looks up. When he spots Madge, his eyes widen. "M-Madge?!" He crawls over to her. "What- How did you get here?"

She starts to explain everything that she told me. Peeta stays quiet, looking at his hands until she finishes. "They-They told me Twelve was gone, but I didn't believe it..."

"It's gone, Peeta," she says, tears filling her eyes. "All gone. And I have no way of knowing if my parents or if your family got out okay."

His gaze falls away. I don't know how he must be feeling, knowing that his home, the place he grew up in, the place so familiar and filled with great memories, has Ben refused to ashes, but I do know what it's like to lose your family's lives to a fire. After leaving them in the worst possible way.

Peeta curls back up into his tight, tense ball without a word. Madge leans against the wall and starts gasping, like it's hard for her to breathe. She clenches her eyes shut and tears fall down her face.

"I can't- I can't even- Why did we have to live like this?" she stammers. "What did we do to deserve this? What? We wanted to have our rights to live a peaceful life? Is that too much to ask? Do have to live in fear forever? Or will we all die in this war?"

"We don't deserve it Madge," I say. "But we were expected to deal with it. And we did, for a while, until we came to our senses." I pause. "But nothing goes unpunished. Every move we make, every step we take, we will lose a part of us. Whether it is metaphorical or real, it is important and it will impact us in the worst way..." I shudder.

"Wow," Madge whispers.

"I've had a lot of experience these past couple of years," I say. "And with experience comes wisdom. And shit that you want you get out of your mind, but you can't. And that, that's where the nightmares come from."

"Nightmares?" she asks sadly.

"Yeah," I say. "I've had them for years, they never... they never go away. Not really. They had gotten less gruesome, but with the Quell and this torture, they've come back..."

She stares at me sympathetically. "I'm sorry."

I lay down on the floor. "It's not like it's your fault."

She stays quiet for a minute. "Why didn't... Why didn't you call me? I mean, I didn't have many friends except for rich kids who pretend that they've got the prime life, when in reality, it's hard all over. And then I'd see Peeta every once in a while, but all his friends were pulling him off in other directions. The only friend I have is Katniss, but..."

"You don't know if she's alive or not," I finish.

"Exactly," she says quietly.

"I don't... I don't really know, Madge," I say. "I guess... I've never been very good at opening up to people."

Madge looks down. "Katniss told me that once."

I sigh. "We seem to be getting more and more alike by the second."

She looks like she's about to say something when my cell door opens. The dickhead stands in the doorway with a plate of food. Wordlessly, he tosses it to me and I catch it. He slams the door shut and stomps off. I break the bread in two and hand half to Madge.

"Thanks," she says. I just nod. I look at Peeta's untouched, molding bread stack. He hasn't eaten in nearly a week. His stomach growls like crazy, but he refuses to eat. I guess he's trying to kill himself, slowly and painfully. I sigh and break my portion in two.

"Peeta, want a bite?" I ask, holding up one of the halves. He looks up, then shakes his head and goes back to concentrating.

"C'mon, you gotta eat," I insist. But he just ignores me and my lame attempts.

"Please Peeta?" I say. Again, no answer. I start to get frustrated. I'm about to chuck the bread at his head, but Madge grips my wrist and pulls the bread from my hand. She crawls over to Peeta and tucks the bread in between the bars.

"Peeta, it'd mean a lot to me if you ate some bread," she says in a motherly voice. "Can you do that for me?"

He looks up, his eyes wild. "N-No. Just let me have control over something. Stop telling me what to do. They've already taken away my other rights, can't I just starve in peace?" I don't know, but something about the way he said that makes me chuckle slightly.

Madge leans down. "Please?" He shakes his head like a little kid. "Katniss would want you to stay strong for her, and you are doing that by eating."

Slowly, he looks up. "But... Madge, it hurts... it's her fault..."

"No," she says fiercely. "She loves you with all of her might. She told me herself. And she wasn't just lying."

His eyes seem to lose some of their cloudiness and he slowly nods. "I believe you." Peeta picks up the bread and takes a bite into it, and soon the whole thing has disappeared. I turn to Madge, astonished. She just smiles.

"Thank you," I say sincerely.

She glances over at Peeta. "I have to convince my mother to eat all the time. This is nothing new to me. I've picked up some helpful procedures along the way." I remember that Madge's mother lost her sister in Haymitch's Hunger Games and fell into a deep depression. Poor Madge had to deal with this her whole life.

"Oh," is all I say. There's not much else to say, anyway.

* * *

A few days pass. If Madge and I weren't friends before, we are now.

They don't bother torturing her, but whenever I come back from torture, she whispers small nothings to me. But these small nothings barricade my sanity into my brain. She makes me feel as if I'm back home, in Twelve, with Olive and Hollis, and, for the first time, safe. Not in a cell in Hell in the middle of more Hell while getting brutally tortured to the brink of death. If someone can give me a moment of security in the worst time of my life, then that is the safest I could ever possibly feel.

And she helps Peeta, too. She calms him down and coaxes food into him and reminds him that Katniss loves him and that he loves her. If she wasn't here... Well, I don't want to think about how bad that would be for him. And me.

One day, we are sitting down and eating silently. Her eyes keep wandering over towards me and I start to feel self-conscious.

"All right," I say. "If I have blood on my face, you might as well tell me. You don't have to stare at me like that."

She blushes. "Sorry, it's just..."

"Spit it out," I insist.

"Olive," she says. "What happened to Olive?"

"Who's Olive?" Peeta asks, waking up from one of his extremely rare naps.

"My cousin," replies Madge. "And Johanna's best friend."

Peeta looks at me with wide eyes. "You have _friends_?"

"Yes," I reply monotonically. "I'm not an empty, heartless bitch."

Peeta blinks. "Are you sure?"

"YES," I say. I turn back to Madge.

She raises an eyebrow. "Well?"

I sigh. "She was turned into an Avox," I say quietly. "And the night after the interviews they bashed her body to death. In front of me."

A pained noise escapes from Peeta, but Madge doesn't seem to notice. She just stares dazedly at the charcoal-colored floor, her eyes glazed over and her breath coming in small, shallow breaths. Then she looks up with a blank expression. "Well, I guess it's better that she died before all hell broke loose."

"Yeah," I replied sourly. "I just that's one silver lining."

Madge looks like she is about to say something, but the door to our cell opens and a Peacekeeper pulls Madge and I out. The door to Peeta's cell opens as well and the Peackeepers drag Peeta down one end of the hallway as they pull Madge and I down another. Madge's gaze meets mine and she looks at me, frightened. I just look down.

_I should have seen this coming. _

_I should have known they weren't going to leave her alone for long._

We're dragged into my torture room, and Madge is seated across from me. A piece of her hair falls in her face, and she attempts to blow it away but it lands in the same place. At least she still _has_ hair.

"Now," says the dickhead once I'm seated in my usual seat, "you know the drill, Mason."

"I'm not gonna tell you anything," I say.

I shut my eyes tightly and clench my fingers into fists and wait for the volts of electricity to burn my insides, but instead I hear Madge cry out. My eyes fly open and I see a whiplash across her cheek.

"You see," the dickhead says, "if you do not tell me what I want to know, your little friend is going to suffer."

I felt bile rise in my throat.

"Talk," he spits.

I look over at Madge who is shaking her head. _Don't talk_, she mouths.

Hesitantly, I keep my mouth shut.

"One chance," the dickhead says. "That's it. Say something."

I look over at Madge who is confidently shaking her head no, but her eyes are glazed with fear. I don't want her to die, but I can't betray all that I've worked so hard for...

"Too late," the dickhead says.

And with that, the Peacekeepers pull out their knives...

* * *

Her blood drips on the floor.

_Drip_.

Her bloody body hangs from the ceiling, on display, specially placed for me to see.

_Drip_.

She wasn't dead at first. No, they decided to have some 'fun'.

_Drip_.

She has no hands or feet. They lay a strewn across the room.

_Drip_.

Her blood stains the white walls, blending in with my own.

_Drip_.

Her eyes are rolled into the back of her head and look like two empty, lifeless, cold, white orbs.

_Drip_.

She has no clothes on. They stripped her and... used her...

_Drip_.

Her skin is scraped off, laying in piles of raw flesh on the floor.

_Drip_.

Her mouth is open in a soundless scream that is louder than anything I've heard in my entire life.

_Drip_.

Her last words to me were:

"Be brave."

I'm not sure if I can do such a thing anymore.

* * *

I hold out some bread to Peeta. "Want some?"

"Not now," he mutters, clutching his head like his life depends on it. I look over to his bread that sits in the corner, infested with fungus and maggots.

I slip some of the bread between the bars. "Eat."

"Stop!" he says, turning away. I sigh and lie down.

I told him what happened to Madge. It was the most horrifying death I have witnessed in my entire life. I didn't dare to go into details...

It's truly extraordinary, how much blood the human body holds.

I just wish I didn't have to know how much there really is.

"She was my friend," he whispers. "Madge. And you let her die."

I put my head in my hands. "Honestly, Peeta, I didn't want her to die. I didn't want anyone to die. I don't want anyone to die except for Snow. But there's nothing we can do to prevent deaths from happening-"

"You said you had a choice!" he screams.

"She told me not to say anything, and before I could decide whether or not to say anything, she was dead." I shudder, reliving the memory.

Peeta was still angry at me, but it kept his mind off of Katniss and wanting to kill her. Until, of course, two red-haired Avoxes were killed in front of him. I don't know their names, but whoever they were, Peeta obviously knew them.

And I now know he's long past fixing point.

But I've realized it too late.

* * *

He's been getting worse. Apparently, it's possible.

They're killing his brain. I have no fucking clue what the hell they are injecting him with, but he can't get a grip on reality anymore. He'd spend days screaming about hating Katniss for killing his family and calling her a mutt and swearing to kill her. What's worse is that Madge isn't here to help him anymore. If I hadn't known Peeta before, I'd have no idea that he was once the nicest person you could ever meet. The Capitol just destroyed that side of him.

So when I'm put back in my cell after my water torture, AGAIN, I expect to find him screaming. And, of course, I do. So I just go sit in my corner and quietly eat some bread while trying not to scream myself.

But his screaming gets louder and louder and louder and for the first time, for the first fucking time, I snap.

I throw my bread on the ground and walk over to where our cells adjoined. I grip the bars in my hands and shake them to get his attention. He shuts up and looks at me with those clouded, dilated eyes.

"STOP IT!" I scream. "JUST STOP THIS! SHE ISN'T A MUTT! SHE DIDN'T KILL YOUR FAMILY! SHE- SHE-"

And for the second time today, I snap.

I fall to my knees and start to cry.

I cry for Peeta, I cry for Annie, I cry for Madge, I cry for Finnick, I cry for Katniss, I cry for Olive, I cry for Jonas, I cry for me. I cry for my fucking existence and everyone who had to die or feel pain because of it. I keep saying I always feel sorry for the people I hurt, but I don't think I've felt more sorry than I do right now.

I wish I was far away from here, off to a place where pain doesn't exist, where sadness doesn't exist, where corruption doesn't exist, where life doesn't exist, where we are with all whom we love and where we can actually cherish those moments of peace without having them forced out of our reach. If only I could...

Peeta clutches his head again and I wonder if he's trying to go someplace where pain doesn't exist too. But then he starts to cry and I just curl up into a ball on the floor, hoping I could just disappear. But I can't.

So I start to sing.

_Down in the valley, the valley so low_

_Hang your head over, hear the wind blow_

_Hear the wind blow, dear, hear the wind blow;_

_Hang your head over, hear the wind blow._

_Roses love sunshine, violets love dew,_

_Angels in Heaven know I love you,_

_Know I love you, dear, know I love you,_

_Angels in Heaven know I love..._

I start to choke on my sobs and I can't sing anymore. I cry harder.

"H-How do you know that song?" Peeta asks, wiping his eyes.

"W-When I wa-as little," I croak. I wipe my eyes and sniff. "We l-learned it in-n school. Ev-Everyone knows i-it."

"Oh," is all he says. We stay quiet. He looks like he's trying to remember something. I start to cry again.

"Katniss sang that song," he says finally. "When we were in kindergarten. That's when I knew I loved her." He looks up. "I still love her."

I never thought I would hear those four words again.

I sit up and wipe my eyes. "You... You re-remember?"

"I remember," he whispers.

We don't say anything else.

I pick up my bread, spit it in half, and hold out my hand. "W-Want so-ome?"

He looks at my hand.

"Ok-kay," he chokes.


End file.
